7-16-23 Renounce Attachment 

Renounce Attachment 

To Renounce – relinquish, discard, swear off, abstain.

Attachment – A huge subject. Very basically, anything – sensory objects, rituals, views and opinions, and a sense of self that is individual, separate and disconnected – that brings distress and suffering. 

We perceive that only through udder defeat are we able to take our first steps toward liberation and strength. Our admissions of personal powerlessness finally turn out to be the firm bedrock upon which happy and purposeful lives may be built. …. Asking each morning in meditation that our creator show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness and love. The spiritual life is not a theory, we have to live it.  AA

What one is renouncing is closing down and shutting off from life. You could say that renunciation is the same thing as opening to the teachings of the present moment. Renunciation is realizing that our nostalgia for wanting to stay in a protected, limited, petty world is insane. We can put a lot of effort into trying to control our small, limited world. Once you begin to get the feeling of how big the world is and how vast our potential for experiencing life is, then you really begin to understand renunciation. When we sit in meditation, we feel our breath as it goes out, and we have some sense of willingness just to be open to the present moment. Then our minds wander off into all kinds of stories and fabrications and manufactured realities, and we say to ourselves, “It’s thinking.” We say that with gentleness and precision. Every time we let the story line go, and every time we are willing to let go at the end of the out breath, that’s fundamental renunciation. The instruction is to soften, to connect with your heart and engender a basic attitude of generosity and compassion toward yourself. Pema Chodron

When we recognize a harmful behavior we can’t just discard it or swear it off. Many of us have tried to do that numerous times and have returned to the old behavior because we did not have a solid replacement. We will by default, return to an old behavior that we are familiar with and even comfortable with, even though we are afraid of it and KNOW it is damaging and brings us suffering. How many times did we quit a harmful behavior, drinking and drugging only to return to it later? We needed help from others to find a healthy, real alternative. Then it was up to us to continue engaging in and reinforcing the healthy behavior. 

We need to have the discipline, – yep, there’s that word again – discipline, to begin feeling – not alone and scared – but to begin feeling respect for ourselves, connected to others, and knowing we already having all we need. We consistently reinforce our sense of contentment and curiosity whenever a sense of needing to hide or manipulate arises. Start by renouncing and replacing with whatever is doing the most harm. Then keep going down the list. Don’t be content with “good enough.” Keep growing and learning. you don’t dust and vacuum once then it’s all good. As we continue to renounce fear and with our new insights, we open up to a new world that is a little scarey but energizing. You relax more, and find peace.

Remember that you can’t control others. People can’t learn from their mistakes if they’re overprotected. It’s your job to support the healthy relationships in your life, not direct or save them. Be your own happy. Don’t rely on other people to make you happy. A relationship can be wonderfully fulfilling when it come from a place of support and appreciation, not need or control.  

It does take an effort to relax the fear, or resentment. How much time do you spend on engaging famaliar emotions that cause suffering, or how much time do you spend on renouncing those reactions and opening up and feeling strong and soft? Whatever you spend more time on, that you engage in more often, will be the underlying foundation you live life from. 
You are connected to all life, but you are not “Attached” to it.

The relationships we have with people, things and our thoughts can be appreciated and cultivated without attaching to them. All are temporary and passing. What you own, your position, work or appearance, is not who you are. Attachment to these bring yearning and fear. How long have you struggled to control the universe? Well, it won’t get any better because you keep doing it. With practice, a sense of contentment will come more often, and there will be times it isn’t there, — the human condition, but you can start going in the right direction. Or not — your choice.

“Agreeing to things just to keep the peace is actually a trauma response. When you do this you’re disrespecting your boundaries. No more making yourself uncomfortable for others to feel comfortable. You have control now. You run your life, use your voice.” ~DJ Love Light

Compassion must not be “idiot compassion” or not standing up for ourselves, in which we give everybody anything they want. Our compassion must be coupled with wise and compassionate choices. Most bad behavior should be ignored, as in don’t engage it with more bad behavior, or treated it with compassion, not a negative reaction.
“It means that your response has to reflect the solution. It shouldn’t come from a place of anger or vengefulness.” Michelle Obama.

“Sadly, non-attachment or detachment as proposed in Buddhism is radically misunderstood by many.  Non-attachment actually brings about the most profound sense of care, compassion, and freedom you could ever imagine.
When you understand the true meaning of non-attachment, – renouncing attachment-

  • Emotions arise, but you have space.  You have perspective. Emotions don’t catch and torment you every time.
  • You’re not bothered by much, but that doesn’t mean you tolerate harmful behavior.
  • The problems of this world evoke compassion rather than anger.
  • You don’t chase after happiness.  You just enjoy it when it’s present, and release it when it dissolves.
  • You’re able to allow life to unfold without needing to control everything.
  • You don’t stop loving, you love even more.
  • You feel naturally compelled to help, but you’re not attached to the outcome.

With this freedom, you can taste the distinct flavor of every experience with no need to squeeze it tightly to your chest.”  (Sandra Pawula)

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step
The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for
May you be well. May you be happy. May you find peace.