3-5-23 Self Aggression

Self  Aggression – Hostile, injurious, or destructive behavior or outlook especially when caused by frustration. 

Passive aggression toward the self is fundamentally about self-punishment. After all, if you’re self-disapproving, don’t much like yourself, and have never been able to fully embrace yourself (flaws and all), it’s as though you’ve given someone who does not like you, residency inside your head. The inevitable result is that these authority figures constantly remind you that you’re not good enough, that you can’t live up to their expectations. Sadly, in the recesses of your brain, their critical voice has become your own.

Doubt is the first obstacle of fearlessness that needs to be overcome.

Every time I feel afraid, confused, or aggressive – I tell myself –  I am a good, worthy, capable person, I approve. Say this to yourself, often. No one else needs to approve, only YOU. Never doubt it. Not dependent on being mistake free, all are human and kind — to ourselves first.
We are allowed to feel anything and everything. We are merely advised to not identify 
with anything that is transient, such as feelings, opinions, personalities. Notice the subtle 
difference between “I am afraid.” and “I’m feeling fear,” I am unworthy, and I am feeling
unworthy. We have had very difficult things occur in life. We may need to seek out help to  
manage and honestly come to terms with those things. We can begin believing in ourselves,
dropping the aggression and passive nature, anytime. We will have times of fear and aggression
crop up, but with our awareness of what it occurring, we accept our feelings and then decide 
how we really want to act. We become braver when we use kindness.

Why should we be afraid of “perhaps” evoking a negative reaction from another, because we are acting honestly and kindly ? We need to NOT be afraid to do anything when we are being kind and
authentic. Never to cower and feel worse, but do what we know is right, to rejoice and engage in life. I am amazed when I am aware of, and drop any aggression towards myself, how much the world and my heart opens up, and I feel free. It’s a little scarey, a bit uncomfortable to not make myself feel like a second class citizen, but I know it is possible. I am the one that needs to
approve of myself, not some projected fear of what might or might not happen in regard to what I “think” others might think. All that projection and fear gets messy, but being who I am, authentically and kindly, is very straight forward and simple, and right.

If I am unhappy, aggressive towards myself for any reason, because of how I think others think I look, fear of money, my past behavior, or any bump in the road, trying to constantly fix any of those things will not then make me happy. I am acting out and aggressive because of my view of myself. I will continue to be aggressive, negative, towards myself regardless of how good or bad things are. We can choose to be happy at any moment, for no particular reason. Try feeling happy, complete, approve of yourself, for just a moment or two, anytime during the day. That is when you can choose to not retreat into your creation of a hostile world. We are all naturally inquisitive, open and engaged in the world. Don’t permit the lies you tell yourself to win.

Practicing meditation can actually ramp up our habitual self-denigration. This is because, in the process of stabilizing the mind, we become more aware of traits in ourselves that we don’t like, whether it’s manipulation, cynicism, or being passive. Then, to overcome any self doubt about ourselves, we need to look deeper, with even more clarity. When we examine our addictions we need to be able see the sadness that’s behind having another drink, the loneli-ness behind another joint, the weight of so often being afraid to live freely. The cycle of self-denigration we employ can be subtle and have a long history. So we need to see it clearly and know it is harmful. Knowing it is not our true selves, we feel the healthy alternative of believing in ourselves and always trying, though not always being successful. We always keep believing in ourselves as a kind, strong person.

If you had a “friend” that constantly demeaned you and you were afraid of, you would be miserable. Be YOUR best friend, that believes in and supports YOU. Have an unconditional friend-ship with yourself. Unconditional friendship with yourself has the same flavor as the deep friendships you may have with others. You know yourself, you ACCEPT yourself, and you’re kind and forgiving to yourself. You even love yourself.

Know when you feel afraid, less than good enough, and say I AM good enough. Believe it!!! Step into your fear, act with courage and compassion, and begin to live.

We don’t need to get out of the rain, we need to learn to dance a joyful rain dance.

“Most of us do not take difficult situations as teachings. We automatically hate them. We run like crazy. We use all kinds of ways to escape — all addictions stem from this moment when we meet our edge and we just can’t stand it. We feel we have to soften it, pad it with something, and we become addicted to whatever it is that seems to ease the pain.” ? Pema Chödrön

The student warrior asked fear – How can I defeat you? Fear replied, If you don’t do what I tell you, I have no power. You can listen to me, and you can have respect for me. You can even be convinced by me. But if you don’t do what I say, I have no power. In that way, the student warrior learned how to defeat fear. 

I am generous to myself when I act rightly. Not hiding or dominating, but with strength and 
gentleness. I am willing to be uncomfortable, to be brave, to pursue my true self, and stop fighting a losing battle with myself. I Know there are challenges in life, sometimes very difficult ones, but there is so much beauty in the world, and to be present and fully alive for it all, is a challenge I can accept, and will consistently step into, fearlessly.
Know that your true nature is open, curious, and at peace. Only you can hide that nature, and only you can bring it forth.

“You are the sky. Everything else – it’s just the weather.” ?Pema Chödrön

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step
The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for
May you be well. May you be happy. May you find peace.

Heart Of Recovery web site  — fcheartofrecovery.com