1-1-23 To Feel

To Feel

To Feel – To have an intuitive awareness, a sense of, a connection with.   

Our addictions of all kinds are emotionally charged and are fixations of the mind. They are     conceptual, rigid and based in fear. We can be emotionally attached to passion, aggression or    denial. Even when we get what we want, we still feel confused and unsettled, Those feelings of dissatisfaction, are informing us that we are not feeling our life force, we are engaging mainly in our manipulations and fear.

I used to think that my addiction was helping me to feel alive, when all it was doing was masking any problem that I needed to look at. I was slowly rejecting and killing myself. I could not feel very much at all, except for a sense of wrongness. I had no idea that I could actually do
something about my spiraling destruction. I was blindly stuck in fear and confusion.

I was constantly in a fog with my emotions jumping around all over the place. In the first part of my recovery I began to actually feel my emotions and it was really uncomfortable. I was used to not feeling, and if I did feel something that made me uneasy I was used to masking that feeling with a drug or behavior. Without my addiction to fog my brain, I felt naked and vulnerable. I
really wanted somewhere to hide. Now I know I have to begin being real and honest. To begin healing myself, and helping others. I know I am choosing life, not a slow death.

We do not look for alternatives or be ashamed of what we are feeling in this moment. Instead we can just let our warmth toward the discomfort or fear be there as the working basis. It is about truly nourishing ourselves. We have to be brave enough to feel and understand what is going on. We touch into our fears, feel them, acknowledge them, do not indulge or promote them. We work with them, and step through them the best we can. The next time that fear comes up it will be easier to step into and through, because we have already begun dismantling it.  

We do not deny the difficulties in life that occur. We must go through stages of working through our pain. Working through any difficulty is essential; if we permit any denial or grasping to
continue to dominate us, we will always feel an underlying sense of unease, and walk on the shaded side of the path, never really living or knowing who we are.

We often have difficulties to deal with after we begin recovery. In our addiction we may have made a mess that we will now be working on to set right. We may have legal, financial or
relationship issues we need to address. We may not want to face what we need to. But we do
recognize the necessity of beginning to be honest and move towards a new place in our lives where we feel and know we are doing the right thing. 

We begin feeling like a worthy person that has something to offer to life and a new appreciation for living honerably. Though difficult at times, we take the right action. Others have been through the same type of difficulties and worse, and will gladly share the freedom and dignity that being honest and stepping into our fears will bring. The sun shines, even if I have made clouds that obstruct my view of it. Beyond fear, is our freedom, our peace and joy.

Meditation will help us with being more present. We sit with our heads swirling around and we have the patience and courage to simply accept our thoughts and continually let go of them.
To just be with whatever is occurring. We also mindfully, gently yet firmly bring our awareness back to our breath. We are practicing choosing where we are placing our minds. As we are able

perhaps momentarily, to settle our minds we may feel the stability, strength and clarity that is naturally there. We have been covering up our gentleness and happiness, with our fears and our   story lines, that are all about ME.

When we enter the present moment with curiosity, openness and acceptance, we feel life and what we are capable of. There is the sense of everything opening outward instead of everything being poisoned inward. We let go of our judgments and become enchanted and delighted,        surprised and vibrantly alive.                                                                                                                     

We begin feeling our warmth and a sense of worthiness. We have a sense of warmth for the     uncomfortable energy of the present moment, for the raw quality of energy, regardless of how     irritating it is. We begin to regard it as a valuable place to be. We are being informed about a        difficulty in our lives we can now begin to work with. We start where we are and work slowly and patiently, without aggression towards ourselves. We begin caring for ourselves, and
treating ourselves with patience and love.
                                                                                                                                                          It is just like taking photographs. You take one picture after another. There is a sense of just opening to the next moment. As long as you keep looking at only one picture, you are missing what is going on NOW and are stuck. Are you stuck in your story? Keep replaying it? Constantly talk or think about what WAS? Continue to replay and roll around in past sufferings. You are making the past into what your present is. STOP IT. Keep letting go, start letting go of the chains you have weighed yourself down with. 

Your present is formed because of your past. Your future is all about what you are doing NOW. That is where freedom lies.

Feel when you are attaching to something, obsessing. Smile, recognize the futility of that and let it go… Just be mindful of whatever there is to see and what you are doing that moment. From working with a negative mindset, to walking into a room, picking up a glass, sitting down, listening to someone, brushing your teeth. Be present and fully alive with all of your life. Not waiting for something better. This is the way to the truth. Be natural, don’t manipulate, don’t be afraid. Consistently bring your mind back to the simple present. NOW. When you are afraid, be as brave as you can. Don’t complain. This is your life, begin to feel the contentment that is available.

A most harmful feeling is that you are not a worthy person. 

You are worthy, and when you walk in that truth, you shine.

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
“The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for.”
May you be well. May you be happy. May you find peace.

Heart Of Recovery web site  —  fcheartofrecovery.com