2-27-22 Facing Ourselves

Facing Ourselves

Many people stay pretty sick well into double-digit sobriety.
Why am I still unhappy or struggling, after I have been straight, for so long?
We thirst for a feeling of completeness, which can only be realized through a spiritual connection with our world, and ourselves but we keep trying to attain happiness through temporary selfish means that have no deeper meaning. 
I keep having to deal with emotions, fear, anger, passion, laziness, pride, and shame. 
I really get tired of feeling like my life is a battle that I can’t win.  
I actually believe my thoughts on who I am, as being solid and substantial, even though they change all the time. I keep repairing, rebuilding, those projections over and over even though it only continues to bring tension and confusion.
I am so used to my behaviors that I find it difficult to change them. 
When I use aggression or shame to attack my difficulties, that only results in my Demons growing stronger.
I find it difficult to even see what my harmful behaviors are, so many of them are so deeply embedded and socially acceptable, if not socially encouraged.
Is our journey towards a goal that when I attain IT, I will be happy and fulfilled? Can we be fully engaged in FAR, the Fullness And Richness, of being present for what is happening, as it happens? 

There is nothing wrong with having goals, as long as our first “goal” is to be fully engaged in the journey, which may then define our goals in a new light. 

The “goal” of being the path, not being on a path. 

“Happiness lies within, do not look for it without.” Buddha

Our very first problem is to accept our present circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, and the people about us as they are.  This is to adopt a realistic humility without which no genuine advance can even begin. — This is an exercise in acceptance that we can profitably practice every day of our lives. Bill Wilson A.A

Wakan Tanka, Great Mystery, teach me how to trust my heart, my mind, my intuition, my inner knowing, the senses of my body, the blessings of my spirit. Teach me to trust these things so that I may enter my Sacred Space, and love beyond my fear, and thus Walk in Balance, with the passing of each glorious Sun. Lakota Prayer

One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious. Carl G. Jung

“ Now I am the source of light I looked for everywhere else.”       Paraphrase SMR

To take an honest and accepting look at ourselves. As we persist a brand new kind of confidence is born. 12 and 12

If you turn your awareness directly into an emotion, the emotion stops developing. This does not mean you are analyzing it or thinking about it, but rather turning toward it with clear awareness. — When the light goes on, we see that there is no monster. 

Turning into it instead of letting it carry you away. At that moment it will dissolve. Leaving you to rest in the spacious awareness that naturally opens up in its place. Tsultrim Allione

You are aware of, but unattached to whatever thoughts or feelings arise in the present moment. You are not controlling things, but neither are you controlled by them. Over time “clear seeing” practice (Meditation, Mindfulness, on and off the cushion), allows you to be present to your addiction without being enslaved by it.                       Recovery— Rami Shapiro

But to practice rigorous self-honesty. We need to face our feelings and get extraordinarily honest with ourselves. Only then can we experience a profound connection to humanity.
The insanity the program talks about is our dishonesty with ourselves.

The 12 Step Buddhist – Darren Littlejohn

The 8 Worldly Dharmas (Projections) – Praise and Blame, Fame and Shame, Gain and loss, Pleasure and Sorrow,
come and go like the wind. To be at peace, rest like a great tree in the midst of them all. Buddha

Don’t just do something, sit there.

What have I done that is healthy and engages me in the “Sunlight of the Spirit”?

What do I continue to do that keeps me edgy or unhappy? 

What can I aspire to engage in, with a gentle discipline, that will enhance my life and the lives of others?

If you saw On Golden Pond, do you remember when Catherine Hepburn was dancing and singing in her off key, crackly voice, while she picked some flowers? It was Beautiful!

When have you last danced, just for the joy of it?

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step
The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for
May you be well. May you be happy. May you find peace.

Heart Of Recovery web site  — fcheartofrecovery.com