2-13-22 Others and Self

Others And Self 

If you want to live forever, I can’t help you with that. But if you want to live a longer, happier, and healthier life, take all the usual precautions that your doctor recommends, and then …
get out there and share your time with those who need it. That’s the caring cure. – EverydayHealth.com 

We care for others as a natural part of being human, but not to the point where we are harming ourselves, or enabling others in destructive behavior.
We do not try to fix others; only they can do that. We do extend a hand and teach by our           example. When we find we keep trying to fix or change the world, we recognize our behavior as harmful to ourselves and others. To judge and point the finger of blame, or to extend the hand of kindness. To yourself and others, always choose kindness.

We may find that considering others is very foreign or seems useless? Or that trying to get only what we want, to act in any way we choose, regardless of the effect on others, is what we need to do? If so, we might have a glimmer of our selfishness and the suffering it has and will always bring to ourselves and all others. We all have moments of being selfish and doing the wrong thing. This is human and not a problem. The more we work on our awareness of being kind and not taking things personally, the more we will be able to naturally step into a bigger more heart-felt way of living. 

When we have a resentment that will not go away it may need looking at. Two parts are important to consider. One, did we have a part in what came about? Were we manipulative or dishonest?  Are we justifying something that was not a good action? Second to consider is, perhaps we just cannot take any criticism. Our false sense of self that we work on projecting, may have been assaulted. Whether any criticism is justified or not, it is an assault on our ego. Criticism can show us what we are protecting and what we need to let go of. If it is true, can we drop the ego, and appreciate that we have a clearer view of ourselves. We now know what we can work on. Not easy, but it releases an enormous weight from our mind when we want to grow up. If it is not true, LET IT GO.

If, on the other hand, we may find that we seem to always consider others’ needs first or, are too willing to jump at any request, perhaps to our own detriment. We may have an inkling of understanding that we need to respect ourselves and others in the same way. It takes bravery to treat ourselves in a healthy manner and to require others to respect us also. If we are afraid of creating a disturbance because we are not acting the way another wants us to, it is cowardice. It takes bravery to stand up for ourselves. People often do not understand an approach of kindness, which may entail not doing what they want us to. Anytime we give into others when we know better, we are demeaned and we have also enabled anothers’ bad behavior. Be Brave. Believe in yourself and in others, through kindness.

Through meditation, we begin to realize we can and should tame our thoughts and emotions. We tame them in order to have an awareness of how our behavior affects others, and promote behavior that considers others and brings peace. There will not always be peace and kindness everywhere, but we can know which side we are on. We know what we are promoting and living. That is what we can do, and what we need to do. 

It takes time and awareness to change our behaviors. We are on a path of discovery and growth, But only if we choose to work on growing.
Better that than continuing to promote stupidity and suffering. We have all been there. When will we begin and continue to let go, open up and be brave? When?
As always, we promote our healthy self with gentleness, and a living loving kindness, never with aggression. 

Compassion can be gentle, or at times very difficult, direct and seemingly harsh. For our own health, we need to learn to say no to our obsessions and fixations, and unhealthy requests or demands from others.
If we seem to be doing well, don’t get stuck in “good enough.” It is necessary to extend our well-being to someone whom it may help, which enlarges our sense of well-being. We keep growing and caring. Or we keep caring and growing. Both are the same. If we are emotionally engaged in a painful time, we can realize what is bringing us pain, work on letting go of our obsession, AND getting out of ourselves to help someone else. This could be as simple as having a kind word for someone who is hurting. 

Our old connections and behaviors must be unused in order for them to fade, just as our new connections with space, openness, and compassion must be used more in order for them to become natural. We begin asking, what can I bring that is helpful?
What effect is my behavior having on others? And on me?

Know you are valuable, worthy, and that you don’t have to do anything to earn that grace. You do have to take right action in order to engage that grace for yourself and to help others. Accepting ourselves as we are, in both our sanity and our confusion, is the key that unlocks our heart. It allows us to be in the present moment just as it is, without trying to cling or push away. Accepting ourselves fully is what stops our struggle, and only when we love ourselves in this unconditional way can we also love others.

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step
The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for
May you be well. May you be happy. May you find peace.

Heart Of Recovery web site  — fcheartofrecovery.com