Renounce Attachment 

We perceive that only through udder defeat are we able to take our first steps toward liberation and strength. Our admissions of personal powerlessness finally turn out to be the firm bedrock upon which happy and purposeful lives may be built. …. Asking each morning in meditation that our creator show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness and love. The spiritual life is not a theory, we have to live it.  AA

Renunciation does not have to be regarded as negative. I was taught that it has to do with letting go of holding back. What one is renouncing is closing down and shutting off from life. You could say that renunciation is the same thing as opening to the teachings of the present moment. Renunciation is realizing that our nostalgia for wanting to stay in a protected, limited, petty world is insane. We can put a lot of effort into trying to control our small, limited world. Once you begin to get the feeling of how big the world is and how vast our potential for experiencing life is, then you really begin to understand renunciation. When we sit in meditation, we feel our breath as it goes out, and we have some sense of willingness just to be open to the present moment. Then our minds wander off into all kinds of stories and fabrications and manufactured realities, and we say to ourselves, “It’s thinking.” We say that with a lot of gentleness and precision. Every time we let the story line go, and every time we are willing to let go at the end of the out breath, that’s fundamental renunciation. The instruction is to soften, to connect with your heart and engender a basic attitude of generosity and compassion toward yourself. Pema Chodron

We need to start from a place of already being and having all we need. Not a place of yearning and fear, but from a place of contentment and curiosity, which will lead us to make wholesome and healthy choices. We start out as already full and also empty. Full of confidence, kindness and curiosity and empty of need and fear – open to experiencing what comes along. 

Remember that you can’t control others. People can’t learn from their mistakes if they’re overprotected. It’s your job to support the relationships in your life, not direct or save them.

Be your own happy. Don’t rely on other people to make you happy. A relationship can be wonderfully fulfilling when you come from a place of support and appreciation, not need or control.  It does take an effort to relax the fear, or resentment. How much time do you spend on engaging famaliar emotions that cause suffering, or how much time do you spend on renouncing those reactions and opening up and feeling strong and soft? Whatever you spend more time on, that you engage in more often, will be the underlying foundation you live life from.

When you are experiencing confusion or resentment, stop and examine what is going on. Mostly it is attachment to OUR way that causes problems. When you recognize that, you can relax a bit and open your view, your awareness, and see your problem is rather small but you have really sunk your teeth into it, and don’t want to let go of the power of negativity. Then you renounce that, and take a new perspective on what you might need to do, and let it go, or take healthy action. How long have you struggled to control the universe? Well, it won’t get any better because you keep doing it. With practice, a sense of contentment will come more often, and there will be times it isn’t there, — the human condition, but you can start going in the right direction. Or not — your choice.

You are connected to all life, but you are not “Attached” to it. What your child, boss, partner or parent does or says is not you. Detaching yourself from other people’s behaviors and words is great, in theory, but it can be a difficult thing to actually do. It takes a lot of courage and strength to see that you can be happy no matter what other people do. It’s not easy, but it is quite possible.

We do listen to others and see if there is wisdom in what they say, and we can concede a bit to help another, but we always come from a place of our strength and kindness. When you are feeling frustrated, or fearful, take time to stop and examine the situation. Are you giving in to something you don’t want, — or are you afraid to take a step into the unknown and expand yourself in a good way. Both circumstances can bring fear and confusion.
“Agreeing to things just to keep the peace is actually a trauma response. When you do this you’re disrespecting your boundaries. No more making yourself uncomfortable for others to feel comfortable. You have control now. You run your life. Take up space and use your voice.” ~DJ Love Light

“Sadly, non-attachment or detachment as proposed in Buddhism is radically misunderstood by many.  Non-attachment actually brings about the most profound sense of care, compassion, and freedom you could ever imagine.
When you understand the true meaning of non-attachment, – renouncing attachment-

• Emotions arise, but you have space.  You have perspective.  Emotions don’t catch and torment you every time.
• You’re not bothered by much, but that doesn’t mean you tolerate harmful behavior.
• The problems of this world evoke compassion rather than anger.
• You don’t chase after happiness.  You just enjoy it when it’s present, and release it when it dissolves.
• You’re able to allow life to unfold without needing to control everything.
• You don’t stop loving.  You love even more.
• You feel naturally compelled to help, but you’re not attached to the outcome.

With this freedom, you can taste the distinct flavor of every experience with no need to squeeze it tightly to your chest.”  (Sandra Pawula)

Compassion must not be “idiot compassion” or not standing up for ourselves, in which we give everybody anything they want. Our compassion and generosity must be coupled with wise and compassionate choices. Most bad behavior should be ignored, as in don’t engage it with more bad behavior, or treated it with compassion, not a negative reaction. “If they go low, we go high.“‘Going high’ doesn’t mean you don’t feel the hurt, or you’re not entitled to an emotion.” “It means that your response has to reflect the solution. It shouldn’t come from a place of anger or vengefulness.” Michelle Obama.

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step
The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for
May you be well. May you be happy. May you find peace.

Heart Of Recovery web site  — fcheartofrecovery.com