9-19-21 Know Who You Are

Know Who You Are

It is completely necessary to be an ordinary human being, to have our emotions, our feelings, to be stupid, lustful, lazy, fearful and angry. We need to acknowledge and be exactly who we are. If we try to be someone who does not have some of the qualities that we don’t see as healthy in ourselves, we will only be someone who is trying to be someone else. We will never be in touch with who we really are. Be yourself, everyone else is taken.

We may have an ideal self in our minds; a self that we know we SHOULD be. It is a good thing, necessary, to aspire and have goals that are beyond where we really are. We may think we are pretty much a saint, or think we are unworthy and are afraid a lot. Generally we have a mixture of feeling above others and feeling below. These are beliefs we have learned and can unlearn. But we first need to be fully aware of who we really are, and how we really act and think. This will require a humility, bravery and honesty that we have not previously known.

In being aware, becoming familiar with who we are, we are trying to know exactly what to address, what needs attention, in order to avoid harmful behaviors that are so familiar we don’t even think about them. If we never see who we are, we will never know what we can work on. We will continue lying to ourselves and being confused.

We may have done some things that were harmful to ourselves and others and sunk pretty low in our self-pity and judgements of others and ourselves. Remember: these were actions we took, not the essence of who we really were or are. We are not bad people, and we can begin coming from a sense of worthiness, acceptance and a little humor, when we choose to.

Knowing and being who we are means clearly seeing. It does not mean we mindlessly promote and continue harmful, negative behaviors that keep us in bondage and fear. ABOVE ALL, we practice being compassionate and kind to ourselves. As we honestly look at ourselves, our self-compassion will enable us to be honest. If we are hard, demanding and judgmental of ourselves, we will become defensive and continue rationalizing bad behavior.

We pay attention when we feel a tension, and look at the cause. We need to look honestly at ourselves, but always with COMPASSION. Again, do not judge yourself. Look at yourself as though you were watching a movie, and feel compassion for that person. A light touch is, helpful–don’t get all wrapped up in ‘poor me.’ Make sure that there is a bit of humor in your condition when you begin getting too tight.  Rule 62:  Don’t take yourself too seriously. 

Don’t scare yourself away.  To be able to see and work with a negative behavior is an amazingly fulfilling act. We begin to actually like and trust ourselves…new ground for many of us.

In our addiction, we had no chance to know who we really were. We were blindly led by compulsions and shrouded in denial that cancelled out any intelligent awareness.  We now have the capacity, though difficult at times, to look honestly at ourselves and to stop living in fear and confusion.

Look at your life — realize the patterns that constantly bring suffering. Do you give in too much, needing someone else to be the strong person, in charge? Are you attracted to supposedly strong people but it always ends up you are manipulated. Or do you need to be the one in charge, manipulating others to fit into your way? We all have some variety of these two harmful behaviors, but having the bravery to look at ourselves honestly is the only way we can begin not repeating our harmful behaviors.

The ability to look at and see ourselves clearly, honestly and compassionately, is most of the “battle.”  Just by recognizing a behavior, your innate sense of kindness and bravery will begin to guide you in a better way. You then choose to continue to promote healthy alternatives and permit your true nature to unfold and be present. That is where your right effort will come to fruition.Yes, there is an effort necessary to healthy growth. We can only guide ourselves when we know whom it is we are guiding, and have the aspiration to grow.

In meditation we can consider “what is it that has consistently brought me suffering?” We can just consider what it is as if watching a movie, no guilt or shame involved. Our ego will not want to accept or delve into that realm of honesty and growth, but we can recognize that resistance and step through it with courage and the knowledge that we are stepping onto a better path, beyond our small self into the light of a fuller, richer life.

Feel when you are trying to manipulate a situation. To manipulate is to manufacture, to create a false world. When we manipulate we will feel a tension, a tightness. When we feel that tension, we can BREATHE and reset our minds to be more open.
Have a phrase, or a timer set hourly on your phone you use to consistently bring yourself back to being aware of what you are doing and why. Perhaps, “AND NOW,” or just the chime from your phone. A simple reminder to be present and aware is very important in re-setting our mentality to reality, not continuing with our own made-up avoidance techniques.

How do you bring your Higher Power into your life, into ALL of your life?

Don’t try to fix or change anything, especially yourself.  We kept trying to change things with our addiction, let’s not keep doing it. Permit change to occur through awareness and honesty. Learn to dance to the music of reality.

With practice, we will instinctively know what to do, and be ok when we don’t toe some straight line all the time. We will begin to actually like ourselves and enjoy life more.

If we don’t do something different, not much will change.

“With force some things may be accomplished; with gentleness all things can be accomplished.” Buddhist saying.

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step
The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for
May you be well. May you be happy. May you find peace.

Heart Of Recovery web site  — fcheartofrecovery.com