Actively Caring

We need to begin with a foundation of simply caring for ourselves. As simple as this sounds, it may be more difficult than it seems. Not caring for ourselves may go back to our childhood, or how we felt unique and different growing up, or how we compare ourselves to social standards and to others, and we always seem to come out deficient.

It may be that we need outside help in addressing some difficulties, and we need to find the right people or program to help us.

However, we can do a tremendous amount of good for ourselves by simply working on caring for ourselves, and continuing to work with our difficulties. You have friends and family that you like and support. These people are not perfect, and at times are difficult. You still support and care for them. Aspire, and learn to act the same way towards yourself.

In my addiction I had no respect for anyone else, nor for myself. I was trying to destroy myself because I was unhappy and did not know what to do. I have been learning slowly that I can never hide from myself, but that I must see myself clearly, with no regrets, and I can then move      forward. I will be able to see myself more clearly, and will not be afraid of myself or others. What a blessing to begin to step into my fears, accept them, move beyond them, and not have them control me.

Gentleness allows us to have more skill and more options in how we can overcome negative habits and ingrain positive ones. Gentleness allows us to utilize all the aspects of what is happening in the environment … the distinction between being wise and being foolish is not so much who you are, but how you utilize what you have. Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche

You do need to be gentle with yourself and love yourself, but that may not be possible if you are constantly engaging in negativity about yourself. You can work with a fear, a negativity so old and established, you feel it is just a part of who you are. It is NOT who you are! It is a false self that needs to be discarded.

You actually do have the capacity to use your mind like an observation post, as opposed to your mind running the show without your permission. You can look and see what is happening. You can detach from being led around, caught up in and controlled by your emotions and old behaviors that lessen and demean you. 

When you are willing to make the effort, to be serious about changing the negativity and fear in your life, you are ready to start.

You can work with an emotion while it is arising, it is more difficult to work with an emotion when it is fully engaged. Just like in meditation, when you realize you are thinking, you release the thought and return to the breath. When you find yourself beginning to be controlled by a negative emotion, STOP. Breathe, release any negativity, and feel what message you are getting. You may realize that an old fear is arising and you should be taking some action, or not acting because it is a temporary satisfaction that will bring further difficulties in the future. Don’t let fear control and constrain you, let your wisdom, intelligence and courage be where you come from.

You are the one choosing to hang onto it. And only you can give yourself permission to release it. Release yourself from your chains.  An animal that has been penned up all its life will be afraid to step out of it’s now open door. Fear of what is possible but unknown, instead of the of the confinement it is used to.

The more often you deny your negativity to enter, the less it will be able to affect you. Aren’t you tired of being bullied yet?

You will have to exert yourself often. You have to watch your mind, be aware of where it is trying to take you. You be in charge of where you go. It may be a bit daunting being in charge, but if you are not, what is???

Your life is a precious thing. Care for and work diligently with yourself.  

You are not deficient in any manner – you are human. There will be times when you are upset, unsure and hurt. You will be able to work WITH these emotions in a better way and have a better outcome, when you care for yourselves and others, and then do what you need to.

We do not cater to others for acceptance. We have accepted ourselves, and are no longer
victims, we no longer need to avoid, prove or force anything. We feel a responsibility to act in a manner that enriches and celebrates the world. We feel healthy and propagate healthiness. We learn to say no when we should, and yes to healthy actions.

You have to actively work with yourself. You cannot just hope for better things to appear because you have seen it in others, or you have read and heard about it.

What are YOU doing? DO you: meditate, pray, have a morning, mid-day and evening time for reflection and a positive care-taking practice you engage in? Whatever tools you have, use them. Use them. A house does not get built with the carpenter standing next to the tools he knows how to use. He or she picks then up and USES them. You have begun making a foundation whenever you decided to address your addiction, whatever was causing distress in your life. Continue by building a structure to happily dwell in and to shelter you from any storm. Make the time and make the effort. This will pay you back, and all you care about, ten-fold.

Keep a close eye on your mind. It has gone many a strange and destructive place, but you do not permit that behavior anymore. Time to grow up. 

If you want to get somewhere, you should probably start walking in that direction. Standing still and hoping goes nowhere.

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step
The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for
May you be well. May you be happy. May you find peace.

Heart Of Recovery web site  — fcheartofrecovery.com