Blame

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Desiderata

It does take courage and practice,Again and again, to go beyond our old behavior of blaming others and ourselves, and engage the practice of caring for others and ourselves.

When we saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance on the spirit of the universe. — Big Book 

“Rather than trying to get rid of an obstacle or buying into a sense of being attacked, we can use it to see what we do when we’re squeezed.  Do we close down or open up?  Do we feel resentful or do we soften?  Do we become wiser or more stupid?
My meditation teachers taught me that with aggression you may accomplish some things, but with gentleness you can accomplish all things.” Pema Chodron

Where other people were concerned, we had to drop the word “blame” from our speech and thought. This required great willingness even to begin. We learned that if we were seriously disturbed, our first need was to quiet that disturbance, regardless of who or what we thought caused it. Twelve and Twelve pg. 47

Doubt is the first obstacle of fearlessness that needs to be overcome.

I am a completely worthy person. I have inherently in me the capacity to love, to care and to live a full and rich life that is not driven by fear or confusion. I am deserving of all this! My worthiness is exhibited in my compassion and confidence.

How often do I get upset at inanimate objects? Or a situation that has already occurred, or my plan is not working? Even though other people did not know what my plan was I am upset with them because they are not cooperating!

How often am I attached to a situation or a thing where I want to re-live or re-create the pleasure I experienced once, and try to have it happen again, and again? 

How often do I judge or blame? Do I even know when I am trying to elicit a particular response from someone, so I can get what I want from them? And then blame them.

I can go through the day feeling an unease, a subtle unhappiness, Why? There is nothing really wrong. I realize that I am slightly unhappy with a large number and a variety of small things that dampen my spirit, put a bit of darkness into my heart. I am filling my bucket one drop at a time with unhappiness. This unhappiness is almost undetectable since I have gotten so used to it. If I pay attention – I can take a trip to the store and find a multitude of very small things that are wrong. The car is cold, the other drivers, the red light, etc, etc, etc. This subtle darkening of my heart is accumulative. It builds up, and remains as a negative force in my life. And I may wonder why I snap at someone for no good reason. This negativity becomes an underlying foundation of my view of the world.

If I am often trying to get something from others, manipulating them, because I want things to be my way, I am blaming them for my unhappiness. I am also not accepting what really is. This is the prescription for unhappiness. With Awareness of what I am doing, how I am re-acting, I can choose to act in a positive manner instead. 

 The energies I am choosing to embody and engage in are the energies that I will be putting forth to the world. If I put forth negative or needy energies I will affect others in a negative or needy manner and be attracted to the same energies. If I put forth positive, gentle, life-affirming energies I will bring that energy to the world and attract and be
attracted to the same energies. I am responsible!

Meditation is one essential way of touching into our basic goodness, recognizing the impermanence of our thoughts, and feeling the fear or grasping our emotions can bring.

Kindness opens many doors, and lets the light in. To let go of our old behaviors can be difficult. When we are brave enough to ask, what is the root of my unhappiness, we may find an old destructive friend we are familiar with, our doubt and blame. We sometimes need to work on not engaging that behavior a little bit at a time. Be kind, be diligent.

All people in life have difficulties. Mine is not special, I am not unique in feeling some pain and confusion. When I stop being so unique and recognize that having compassion for others that suffer like I do, the focus is away from me and is in a more spacious arena that can accomodate all that happens. If I never doubt my spiritual connection, my basic goodness, and come from that mindset, then all difficulties are in a space that is workable, and kindness arises naturally.  Spaciousness and kindness for my situation and for all others in a similar place and those that have it much worse than I do. Feel compassion, not blame for ALL beings, even those that bring suffering, They can be our greatest teachers.  

The point is to begin in a small way to uplift your life, which will also be uplifting to the lives around you, that you are intimately connected with. And continue, always, to believe in your worth and your capacity for compassion.

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for.

Heart Of Recovery web site  —  fcheartofrecovery.com