5-31-20 Connecting – Disconnecting

Connecting – Disconnecting 

Connect – Join, combine, unite, associate, to bring or come together into some manner of union.

Disconnect – Unrelate, disjoint, disassociate, detach, muddle, disorder.

We all have the desire to be connected to something: to friends, a group, an institution, or a partner. We may identify with an organization like Greenpeace or the NRA, a garden club, an exercise group, our bank accounts, what we look like, what we own and can show off, or maybe a religious tradition. Some of us spend a lot of time following sports and feel a bond with a certain team. Some are connected to (obsessed with) electronic devices, getting too much information, or zoning out with entertainment or games. Of the many things we feel connected to, many of those actually disconnect us. If you feel a sense of tension with or ownership of anything you are connected to, it is actually a dis-connect.

We may identify with our disconnect and be uncomfortable when we are not unhappy or distracted from being present and engaged. Many of us have taken this identification with disconnection to such an extreme that we chose to engage a drug or behavior because our disconnection was so painful. In choosing to ramp up our avoidance with a drug or behavior, we made it worse. When life got absurdly unbearable and we HAD to do something else; that is how many began a path of healing and connecting with a sense of well-being and worthiness.

We can identify with a spiritual practice and become limited by trying to perform all the proper rituals without going deeper into where the surface rituals are pointing. We need to learn, follow, and then let go of our identification with the instructions, which permits us to grow into the spiritual dimension they’re pointing towards. It is good to engage in spiritual or other activities and feel a kinship with others of like mind (inclusion), as long as you don’t begin judging and dismissing those who are different (exclusion).

The path is to simply be present and aware. As simple as that sounds, it is too easily blocked by our past and our future expectations. There is no difficulty in the present moment. When we are fully aware of what is going on and mindfully engaging in it, there is no problem. Some of our experiences may be joyful. Or, we may have loss or unexpected occurrences. But none of this is problematic when we are present, accepting and engaged without judging. We appreciate our joys more deeply, and our sorrows become a time of learning and growing. I am absolutely grateful for and appreciate the difficult times I’ve had or when loved ones have died, because I was there, present and engaging the best I could. I was honoring my loved ones and my connection to them.

The one thing that disconnects us is too much thinking, and not enough Being. Thinking is necessary; we need to function in the world and make safe and wise decisions in our worldly life. But when thinking supports our ego, a false sense of who we are, we find fault, assign blame and carry out sentences on others and the universe. We disconnect.

If you are feeling regret for anything in the past, realize you may not have had a lot of choice back then while you were in the clutches of an obsession or addiction. But you DO have a choice NOW. It can take some help to address your past. We have all had some trauma; some was self imposed, and some was from others. We may need counseling and programs for our trauma, but to Stop identifying with your past shortcomings is something you can and need to work on. Have the courage to not need emotional turmoil as a drug to avoid your inner peace.

What you do makes a difference, for yourself and for many others. Be aware of your responsibility to honoring yourself and others as spiritual beings, and bask in simplicity and a healthy belief in yourself as an imperfect human. One who strives for the better connected self and does not judge others (or self), but feels compassion. Find the courage to begin engaging, connecting to who you really are, not believing the sad story your disconnect keeps telling you.

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.

A calm and modest life brings more happiness than the pursuit of success combined with
constant restlessness.” —Albert Einstein

The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.

Everything in the world is connected with everything else. What is that pencil or that bug made of? Where did it come from? Follow it back far enough and you will find it is connected with what and who we are. With our “intelligence” we are prone to disconnecting ourselves from all else, and then feeling isolated and confused. We need space and an openness to feel the true connection that just is; not anything we produce, manufacture or think about.

Fostering a better connection can be fairly simple: 

  • Have the discipline to engage in your spiritual practices without poor excuses. 
  • Keep your home neat and comfortable without too much “stuff” you don’t really connect to. 
  • Don’t be afraid of people and judgments, believe in yourself first, deeply and always.
  • When communicating, don’t blather on, nor be afraid to be noticed. 
  • Be reliable and trustworthy. 
  • When you feel like being short with someone, breathe a sense of gentleness into your words. 
  • Keep your awareness as a good friend that is a filter, not a judge, just an awareness. 

I always get a kick out of recognizing my ego trying to steer me the wrong way. All I need is an awareness of that misinformation, a small discipline to relax, and I realign naturally. A good connection is a gentle, friendly, consistent awareness that becomes who we are.

As we connect to the natural flow of life, it offers a gentle and nurturing pull on us. 

My joy is like Spring, so warm it makes flowers bloom all over the Earth.
My pain is like a river of tears, so vast it fills the four oceans.
Please call me by my true names, so I can hear all my cries and my laughter at once,
so I can see that my joy and pain are one.  
Please call me by my true names, so I can wake up, and so the door of my heart can be left open, the door of compassion. —Thich Nhat Hanh

How do you fill your bucket? One connection at a time
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step
The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for
Heart Of Recovery web site  — fcheartofrecovery.com


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