12-15-19 To Feel

To Feel

To Feel – To have an intuitive awareness, a sense of, a connection with.   

Our addictions and obsessions of all kinds are emotionally charged and are fixations of the mind. They are conceptual, rigid, and based in fear. We can be emotionally attached to passion, aggression or denial. Even when we get what we want, we may still feel confused and unsettled. Such feelings of dissatisfaction are informing us that we are not feeling our life force; we are engaging mainly in our manipulations and fear.

I used to think that my addiction was helping me to feel alive, when all it was doing was masking any problem that I needed to look at. I was slowly rejecting and killing myself. In the first part of my recovery, I began to actually feel my emotions—and it was really uncomfortable. I was used to not feeling, and if I did feel something that made me uneasy, I was used to masking that feeling with a drug or behavior. Without my addiction to fog my brain, I felt naked and vulnerable. I really wanted somewhere to hide. Now I know I have to begin being real and honest. To begin healing myself and helping others. I know I am choosing life, not a slow death.

We do not look for alternatives or feel ashamed of what we are experiencing in this moment. Instead, we can just let our warmth toward the discomfort or fear be there as the working basis. It is about truly nourishing ourselves. We have to be brave enough to feel and understand what’s going on. We touch into our fears, feel them, acknowledge them. We do not indulge or promote them—we work with them, and step through them the best we can. It becomes easier to work any fear the next time it arises if we have already begun making friends with it.

Recovery isn’t a blank check that means everything is always going to be rosy and wonderful from here on out. We will have difficulties to deal with after we begin recovery, in many areas of our lives. Instead of ignoring them, we work through our pain in stages. This process is essential; if we permit any denial or grasping to continue to dominate us, we will always feel an underlying sense of unease, which may keep us from ever really living or knowing who we are. Are we trying to hold onto as much of our selfishness and avoidance as we can, and yet still get by? We must constantly watch for such half-measures if we’re to live as fully as possible. We keep stepping up, through the angst of being vulnerable and sometimes wrong.

When we feel anxious about something, we take a deep breath and step into the fear and take action, instead of avoiding it. It takes time to establish a new behavior, but the wonderful sense of dignity and freedom you get after vaporizing your fears a few times will encourage you to keep at it. Others have been through the same types of difficulties and worse, and will gladly share the freedom and dignity  that being honest and courageous will bring. In a short time, we begin feeling like worthy people who have something to offer to life and who hold a new appreciation for living honorably. 

“When one has the feeling of dislike for evil, when one feels tranquil, one finds pleasure in listening to good teachings; when one has these feelings and appreciates them, one is free of fear.” –Buddha

Beyond fear is our freedom, our peace, and joy.

Meditation will help us with being more present. We sit with our heads swirling around and we have the patience and courage to simply accept our thoughts and let go of them…to just be with whatever is occurring. We also gently yet firmly bring our awareness back to our breath. We are practicing choosing where we are placing our minds. As we are able, perhaps just momentarily, to settle our minds, we may feel the stability, strength and clarity that is naturally there. We have been covering up our gentleness and happiness with our fears and our story lines, that are all about “ME.”

When we enter the present moment with curiosity, openness and acceptance, we feel life and what we are capable of. There is the sense of everything opening outward instead of everything being poisoned inward. We let go of our judgments and become enchanted and delighted,        surprised and vibrantly alive.                                                                                                                     

We begin feeling warmth for the uncomfortable energy of the present moment, for the raw quality of energy, regardless of how irritating it is. We begin to regard it as a valuable place to be. We are being informed about a difficulty in our lives we can now begin to work with. We start where we are and work slowly and patiently, without aggression towards ourselves. We begin caring for ourselves, and treating ourselves with patience and love.

It is just like taking photographs. We take one picture after another. There’s a sense of just opening to the next moment. As long as we keep looking at only one picture, we’re missing what is going on NOW and are stuck. Are you stuck in your story? Keep replaying it? Constantly talk or think about what WAS? Continue to replay and roll around in past sufferings? You are making the past into what your present is. STOP IT. Keep letting go, start letting go of the chains you have weighed yourself down with. 

Our present is formed because of our past. Our future is all about what we are doing NOW. That is where freedom lies.

Feel when you are attaching to something, obsessing. Smile, recognize the futility of that and let it go… Just be mindful of whatever there is to see and what you are doing that moment. From working with a negative mindset, to walking into a room, picking up a glass, sitting down, listening to someone, brushing your teeth. Be present and fully alive with all of your life…not waiting for something better. This is the way to the truth. Be natural, don’t manipulate, don’t be afraid. Consistently bring your mind back to the simple present. NOW. When you are afraid, be as brave as you can. Don’t complain. This is your life, begin to feel the contentment that is available.

It’s OK to feel good about yourself, it’s actually recommended by 10 out of 10 happy people.

A most harmful feeling is that you are not a worthy person.
You are worthy, and when you walk in that truth you shine.

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step
The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for

Heart Of Recovery web site  —  fcheartofrecovery.com