Self-Compassion

Big Book: Love and tolerance of others (and ourselves) is our code. And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone.

One important aspect of not fighting anymore, is to have a gentle but strong sense of kindness and honesty in our hearts. We do not fight when we are confident and content with ourselves, and will not let others demean or disrespect that. That does not mean we need to fight when we are disrespected. We can be wise enough to let go of what we should, avoid what is unhealthy, and address with kindness what we should.We know this is a healthy attitude to have, but in reality how do we bring it into our lives, how do we truly begin to feel and maintain a positive sense of engagement in a reality so much bigger than our own little world?

Compassion is speaking up for yourself when you feel it to be right. Not trying to get YOUR way, but being brave enough to stand up for yourself and what you know feel is right. Not being afraid, may upset others or cause some temporary discord, but you know in your heart it is right. Compassion is bravery, feeling some fear and stepping into and through it. Not enabling bad behavior from others or yourself.

In my addiction I was ignorant, not stupid. I did not know what to do or how to begin healing. Today, as I learn ways to work with my difficulties, I am no longer in
ignorance – not knowing, but may occasionally to do the wrong thing out of fear and selfishness. That is a wrong choice I made, it is not who I am. But I do that less often and for a shorter time. I am human and will make the wrong choice sometimes. I learn to not continue on an unhealthy path, nor to demean myself because I am not perfect, but to bring myself back to what I know is healthy. I am learning to choose the braver way of compassion and dignity, not acting from fear.I am able to hold and relate to my fears and mis-steps with a feeling of loving-kindness, just as a mother would with a child.

Most people treat others kinder than they treat themselves. Why is that? Selfishness and self-indulgence. We get to enjoy the self-righteousness of judging and demeaning someone, (ourselves), and we get to feel sorry for ourselves too. A great soap opera, an emotional drama, all about ourselves.

“Self-compassion is seeing your most tender wounds without judgment. Showing compassion to, yourself is being willing to see / feel the reality of your pain without covering it up or trying to “fix” it. Once this level of self-love occurs, a door opens to the understanding of why the pain is there. Pema Chodron

You don’t need a specific reason to love or care for yourself, just do it. You may find many reasons to NOT love yourself, but the reason that you should love and care for yourself is – Because you can, it is the right thing to do and that is where you begin choosing live over a mere unsatisfactory existence.

You choose to step out of the swamp and the muck you have been rolling around in, and begin a life of respecting yourself. There may be times you don’t feel like you deserve respect. That is just a negative judgment that is not true. Disrespecting yourself permits you to not be responsible, and to not engage in the world as a whole and honorable person. We all have times of doubt and feeling afraid, and that is OK. We are human and will have fear in our lives sometimes. We can begin to recognize when we are too out of balance and begin re-balancing with the tools we have been working with. We also have a caring community of friends that we can honestly share our fears and mis-steps with, and
receive care and good advice. This community of friends is an amazing jewel and blessing that we have never had before, and most people will not encounter.

This involves an awareness of what is going on, as opposed to mindlessly being engrossed in and ill affected by you own self bashing. Once you know what is happening, you can bring to bear the discipline, the courage, to Mindfully use the tools you have, to bring your loving-kindness into your heart for yourself.

We begin respecting ourselves in a very simple manner. We make our beds, clean up our room, do our morning prayers and meditation, and wash the dishes. We do these things EVERYDAY, because we are alive everyday. We actively help out wherever we can, asking how we may be useful, instead of useless. We begin not putting things off, but doing them in a timely manner. We show up, early, and think of others. We begin acting our way into right thinking. It takes some time and discipline to follow through on these things, but they will be the cornerstone of a full and good life, that you feel and know is the right way. We begin respecting ourselves, and come to appreciate that foreign and unfamiliar feeling of being responsible, and we know it is right.

Do not deny your feelings, but didn’t be overwhelmed by them. Include them in your thought process, and have a healthy space, an awareness without engagement, between your emotions and your spiritual self. Know that first, your peace of mind, Your self compassion, is necessary in being able to work with any situation and have a healthy growth process take place. Not indulging in your pity party or judgments.

Meditation: Mindfulness-Awareness. A sense of existence that includes your thoughts but is not conditioned by or limited to your thinking process. Meditation places us naturally in a more open, stable, aware state. The more we practice meditation, the better we are able to work with others and ourselves. Meditation on and off the cushion. To use our awareness and courage, to think and act differently than a mindless engagement in our emotions. A courage to know who we are, and choose a better way, for ourselves and others.

Be brave, make mistakes, and be compassionate and forgiving about that. Then keep moving forward, by being forgiving and compassionate towards all.
When we begin engaging in the world with a sense of richness, compassion, honesty and humor, new worlds open up for us, and we help others to grow.

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for.

Heart Of Recovery web site — fcheartofrecovery.com