9-8-19 With Balance


Balance – A harmonious arrangement of parts or elements. An
influence or force tending to produce equilibrium.

In the worst of my addiction I was very, very unbalanced. I lived in a small, dark world of fear, frustration and despair. As I began a journey of healing and searching for my balance I was often fearful and confused, but I persevered. Even at first, through my uncertainty I knew that I was walking in the right direction. Slowly I saw, through the examples of others, their stories and efforts, that I did not need to remain a victim, living in fear. Many of us caught in addictions are never able to take that first step towards healing and to KEEP GOING. One of the major factors in beginning to recover our balance is that we have a community that supports us, and that we support. Very different from our isolation and loneliness that was so heavy and dark.

Balance is a constant and consistent checking and re-aligning of our hearts. We do not reach a balance and then, we GOT it, don’t need to do anything else. The reality is that life keeps happening all around us, and we need to re-balance to new and different circumstances.

Even the right path is bumpy at times. If you are looking for a place that is always smooth, you will not find one.”Living is easy with eyes closed, Misunderstanding all you see”. John Lennon. Living life without your blinders on, without a drug or behavior to mask and fog your
perceptions, WILL be bumpy at times. But you have the blessings to begin being aware, present and appreciate, ALL of life. If you fall, get back up again! And again! And again!

Balance needs to include aspects of personal, social and spiritual engagement. We are all different, we need to look for inspiration from others and wise teachings, and then we need to find what balance is right for us. We very much need to have patience with ourselves, and  OTHERS. We need to work on a healthy sense of self, engaging in recovery and learning to not judge and hold resentments. Resentments, or a sense of being a victim can unbalance you pretty quickly. Use the tools you have, use the community and friends you have, use your programs and spiritual connections, and make the effort to continue to live honorably and responsibly. Ask for help, give help when you can, and learn to become engaged in life.
Through a gentle but firm discipline comes the joy of life.

Meditation will help us with being more
balanced. We sit with our heads swirling around and we have the patience and
courage to simply accept our thoughts and continually let go of them. To just
be with whatever is occurring. We also mindfully, gently yet firmly, bring our
awareness back to the breath of calmness. We are practicing choosing,
where we are placing our minds. Now we can begin opening to the world and
feeling our true selves emerging. A little scary without all our defenses and
hiding places, but much more real, warm and full of life, not dying.

We need to commit to a new way of living and being. We need to commit every day. Not just an attitude of — well, I will try this, I hope it works, maybe it will get better. We need to say “I am done! I choose a new way!” It takes courage and patience to form new behaviors, but if we are committed to it we can do it! We begin to feel our sense of self-worth and an appreciation for life. We need to do this at the beginning of our recovery AND re-balance all the time. Remember, we never GOT IT, all done. Life is about continuing to step forward.

Don’t let the laziness of resorting to old behaviors, or the fear of starting something new be a barrier. Don’t sit on your toolbox as your house falls apart. A new way of living will soon become your normal way of living. You were out of balance because you were not being honest and taking responsibility for your lives. Being an engaged, complete, worthy human being that is imperfect, makes mistakes, and knows the blessings of a healthy life and of helping others, is a balance. Your self-worth now comes from our inner courage and the sense of peace you find in walking the right path. You need to stay vigilant to never fall back into the poor-me or aggressive attitudes that bring a drug-like emotional kick, but only creates suffering.

A farmer went to the Buddha and asked for help. He related that sometimes it rained too much or was too dry and farming was difficult. He loved his wife but sometimes she was cranky or wouldn’t listen to him. His daughter was a good girl but did not respect him or obey him
properly. And on and on. The Buddha said – I can’t help you.The farmer looked surprised and said, I heard you were a wise and good teacher, but you can’t help me? The Buddha said, all people have 32 different states of mind that can them suffering.
You have 33. – You think you should not have any problems.

There will always be times in your life when you are out of balance. Circumstances and your old behaviors can throw you for a loop. This is a part of life, and what is essential, is to not berate yourself for feeling unbalanced, but to look at what you are feeling and to completely accept your condition, while not promoting self-pity or continuing to engage in unhealthy behaviors. If you have a thought about a drink or a drug, so what? It would be amazing if occasionally you did not, considering your old established behaviors. But you can begin rebalancing by playing that song to the end. What will happen if you do? That is not you anymore! Feel your self-worth, your desire for a full healthy life. That is now who you are.                                                                                 

Begin appreciating many things every day, instead of judging and finding fault. Feel the negativity and darkness associated with judgements.
Feel the lightness and space appreciation and patience brings. That is where growth is, that is where your true self lies.

                                  How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time.
                           The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
                  The great arises out of small things that are honored and care for.
                           Heart Of Recovery web site — fcheartofrecovery.com