Blame
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of
the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be
here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding
as it should. Desiderata
It does take courage and practice, over and over again, to go beyond our old
behavior of blaming others and ourselves, and engage in the practice of caring
for others and ourselves.
We were having trouble with our personal relationships, we couldn’t control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression — we were unhappy and couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people.
When we saw others solve their
problems by a simple reliance on the spirit of the universe- – -. Big Book
Rather than trying to get rid of an
obstacle or buying into a sense of being attacked, we can use it to see what we
do when we’re squeezed. Do we close down
or open up? Do we feel resentful or do
we soften? Do we become wiser or more
stupid? Pema Chodron
“My meditation teachers taught me
that with aggression you may accomplish some things, but with gentleness you
can accomplish all things.”
Where other people were concerned, we
had to drop the word “blame” from our speech and thought. This required great
willingness even to begin. We learned that if we were seriously disturbed, our
first need was to quiet that disturbance, regardless of who or what we thought
caused it. Twelve and Twelve
Doubt is the first obstacle of fearlessness
that needs to be overcome.
I am a completely worthy person.
I have inherently in me the capacity to love, to care and to live a full and
rich life that is not driven by fear or confusion. I am capable of all this!
How often do I get upset at
inanimate objects? Or a situation that has already occurred? Or my plan is not
working? Even though other people did not know what my plan was I am upset with
them because they are not cooperating!
How often am I attached to a
situation or a thing where I want to re-live or re-create the pleasure I
experienced once, and try to have it happen again, and again?
How often do I judge or blame? Do I
even know when I am trying to elicit a particular response from someone, so I
can get what I want from them?
I can go through the day feeling an
unease, a subtle unhappiness, Why? There is nothing really wrong. I realize
that I am slightly unhappy with a variety of small things that dampen my
spirit, put a bit of darkness into my heart. I am filling my bucket one drop at
a time with unhappiness. This unhappiness is almost undetectable since I have
gotten so used to it. If I pay attention – I can take a trip to the store and
find a multitude of very small things that are wrong. The car is cold,
the other drivers, the red light, etc, etc, etc. This subtle darkening of my
heart is accumulative. It builds up, and remains as a negative force in my
life. And I may wonder why I snap at someone for no good reason.
This negativity becomes the
underlying foundation of my view of the world.
If I am constantly feeling a
low-grade unhappiness I will try over and over again to make myself happy with
superficial things. An obsession of how I look, what I have or don’t have, and
how I can manipulate or hide from others. All superficial and never letting my
true patience and kindness shine forth. It takes an awareness and a discipline
that pays off so much better than grasping at, or avoiding. Let yourself shine
with courage, feel the rightness of that, and the wrongness of blame. Blame has
a sense of juicy emotion attachet to it, it is very destructive.
With an Awareness of what I
am doing, how I am re-acting, I can choose to act in a positive manner
instead. To act authentically, standing up fo myself, and being kind while I
do. Seems like a lot to undertake. Keep working on it day by day. Small steps
get us where we are going, while we are able to appreciate the journey.
The energies I am choosing to
embody and engage in are the energies that I will be putting forth to the
world. If I put forth negative or needy energies I will affect others in a
negative or needy manner and be attracted to the same energies. If I put forth
positive, gentle, life-affirming energies I will bring that energy to the world
and attract and be attracted to the same energies. I am responsible!
Meditation is one essential way of
touching into our basic goodness, recognizing the impermanence of our thoughts,
and feeling the fear or grasping our emotions can bring. We practice releasing
our graspings, and we let our natural light shine.
Kindness opens many doors, and lets
the light in.
To let go of our old behaviors can
be difficult. When we are brave enough to ask, what is the root of my
unhappiness, we may find an old destructive friend we are comfortable with. We
sometimes need to work on not engaging that behavior a little bit at a time.
Be kind, be diligent.
How
do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time.
The
journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
The great arises out of
small things that are honored and cared for.