5-12-19 Forgiveness


Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, more positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. 
Forgiveness brings a sense of peace that helps you go on with life.

It is normal to blame others for your situation, especially while in an addiction. It takes any responsibility off of ourselves. When we begin recovery we begin seeing that WE were the main cause of our problems, and that can be difficult to swallow. We need to truly forgive ourselves for all and any actions we have taken in the past. If we do not, we will maintain a sense of guilt and self-blame that demeans us and will not permit us to have a sense of dignity and wholeness we DO naturally and innately possess. We will continue living life like a victim. We need to forgive ourselves and feel the freedom it brings and the possibilities that open up. It takes courage to forgive ourselves, and anyone else that has been judgmental and negative in our lives.

What would it feel like to not have that subtle sense of guilt, and the need for something to mask, to cover up our sense of shame and lack? It would and does feel liberating. Feel it everyday. Every minute you don’t feel it, remind yourself, what an amazing person you are. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. Then you are coming and acting from a place of resentment, fear and anger, and you cannot help hurting others and yourself. You will bring anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience.

Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power you give the offending person. As you let go of grudges, you’ll no longer define your life by how you’ve been hurt.  You might even find compassion and understanding.

Importantly, self-forgiveness need not be all-or-nothing. It’s a slow process that may never result in a full release of negative feelings or an exclusively rosy view of oneself. Rather than being a form of self-indulgence, healthy self-forgiveness might be better seen as an act of humility, an honest acknowledgment of our capacity for causing harm as well as our potential for doing good, that we all possess. A resentment is only a thought. Not a reality or ultimate truth. The truth is found in the space between your thoughts, where it is still and calm. As in meditation, release the thought, and abide, rest, in the stillness and openness of between. Try this!

If you try to reach inside of your heart you can find forgiveness, or at least the start, And from that place, where you can forgive, is where compassion and love, also thrive and live. And with each step that you try to take and with that chance that your heart might break, comes so much happiness, and so much strength which alone can carry you a fantastic length. For hate and anger will not get you there. Barry S. Maltese

“Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.” ~Jean Paul Sartre

Have you been in a relationship where the other person was critical and you always felt belittled and not good enough. Please forgive them, and do not believe a word of what was said. We must intelligently choose which relationships we cultivate and which we let go if.  Anyone who criticizes a lot is very unhappy and afraid. Feel compassion and love for them and yourself.

It is necessary to feel dignity and a sense of completeness, otherwise we will continue looking for and attracting negativity in our lives. Too much self pity, and a lack of believing in ourselves can lead to needing to hide from ourselves, often through an addiction. Any relapse begins a long time before we indulge in our addiction. It begins with not believing in ourselves and beginning to sabotage our relationships, feeling guilt and pity for ourselves.
Forgive yourself and anyone else that has caused difficulties.

Resentments are the number one offender. You can’t be resentful if you forgive. When we continually doubt ourselves, and indulge in a rich sense of — poor me, wallowing around in our own muck, there is no sense of worth, only a continued identification with a not-worthy sense of self. There is no truth to that, but we can continue to identify as an unworthy person, so we don’t have to step fully, and yes through some fear, to begin living fully and taking responsibility for being a not perfect human that will not be put down by anyone, especially ourselves. We can begin forgiving ourselves and moving forward whenever we choose to. Now is always there. Hold you head up, make mistakes, learn, and never be daunted.

If your boss, or anyone in your life, routinely puts you down you must decide that you won’t tolerate the put downs. You come up with a plan for how you’re going to handle it when they arise, and then you actually assert that boundary, while looking at them with pure love because you know that their put downs are because they are suffering. To be above the fray, to give the situation space and not participate in furthering harm, is a choice we can continue to work with. Be aware, take a breath, do not engage.

No one can demean you without your permission. You are responsible for your forgiveness.
Then – Drop all blame. An amazing openness and connection is then possible. 

How do you fill your bucket? One forgiveness at a time.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for.Heart Of Recovery web site  –  fcheartofrecovery.com