1-20-19 Balance


Balance – A harmonious arrangement of parts or elements. An influence or force tending to produce equilibrium.

In the worst of my addiction I was very, very unbalanced. I lived in a small world of fear, frustration and despair. As I began a journey of healing and searching for my balance I was often fearful and confused, but I persevered. Even at first, through my uncertainty I knew that I was walking in the right direction, and slowly I saw through the examples of others and their stories and efforts, that I did not need to remain a victim, living in fear. Many of us caught in addictions are never able to take that first step towards healing and KEEP GOING, and we let the despair end us. 

Over time we will see progress, but we can only start from where we are in this moment. Some days we will fall more than others and we will be tempted to feel angry that last week we did so well, or reacted more calmly to (our difficulties). And today has not gone well. Instead, we can fall with style and accept where we are today.                                                              

If you fall, get back up again! And again! And again!

Balance is a constant and consistent checking and re-aligning of or hearts. We do not reach a balance and then, we GOT it, are good to go. Don’t need to do anything else. The reality is that life keeps happening all around us, and we need to consistently re-balance to the new and different circumstances. Keep feeling where you are. Know yourself. Accept and appreciate.

Give yourself a break! Balancing is hard and we will fall, a lot. Some days, it seems impossible to find the stillness. Instead of the inner name-calling, try smiling and recognizing that the effort is as important as the result. Any result comes about by itself, through right effort.                                                        

Even the right path is bumpy at times. If you are looking for a place that is always smooth, you will not find one. Living life without our blinders on, without a drug or behavior to mask and fog our perceptions, WILL be bumpy at times. But we have the blessings to be aware, present and appreciate, ALL of life.                                                                             

Balance needs to include aspects of personal, social and spiritual engagement. We are all          different, we need to look for inspiration from others and wise teachings, and then we need to find what balance is right for us.                                                                                 

We all need to re-balance constantly. Re-balancing need not be a battle with ourselves, but a   gentle understanding, an awareness, of which way we need to lean. There are times in our lives when we are out of balance. Circumstances and our old behaviors can throw us for a loop. This is a part of life, and what is essential to do is to not berate yourself for feeling unbalanced but to look at what you are feeling and to completely accept your condition, while not promoting self-pity or continuing to engage in un-healthy behaviors. If you can’t deal with sugar well and had 6 candy bars yesterday, or you’ve been lying or drinking, or gambling; have the discipline and sense of self-worth to begin TODAY, NOW, on a better course. Talk to someone about it, and make a plan and stick to it through the urges. Feel your self-worth growing, your balance being regained, as you step through the neediness of the old obsessions.                                                                                                                         

Begin with being willing to feel what you are going through. Be willing to have a compassionate relationship with the parts of yourself that you feel are not worthy of existing… if you even aspire to stay awake and open to what you’re feeling, to recognize and acknowledge it as best you can in each moment, then something begins to change.” Pema Chodron: Comfortable with Uncertainty.

 “Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.” ~Thomas Merton

We are then able to see and feel when we are grasping and judging, if we do the work of engaging in our spiritual practices, we are able to diminish or let go of that mindset. This comes slowly and with practice. Don’t quit re-balancing because you are out of balance.                                                                          

A couple of attitudes that hinder our being reasonably balanced are:                                                        

1- Not feeling good enough, a poverty mentality. A sense of being a victim, not worthy. You are worthy; you contain the Sunlight of the Spirit. Let your judgments go and just be present, alive, and find the strength to engage in your inner balance. You have such a short time, don’t waste it.

2- Be sure you don’t out-smart yourself. You can use your intelligence to realize that your smart thinking did nothing but take you to a dark lonely place, and that you need to engage in a spiritual practice. You might use your intelligence to try and find ways to keep engaging in old negative behaviors, because of the comfortable ways of demeaning yourself and others you are so used to. However, a spiritual practice must be PRACTICED, not just thought about. Spirituality, is an experience you can have, but only if you DO the work.                       

When you are agitated, or fearful, unbalanced, you may be able to come to an awareness of your state of being and breathe into a sense of peace and balance, and then act from your hearts, not your defensive egos. This can only happen when you have trained your minds through prayer and meditation and have experienced the spiritual and worldly balance that is possible within.

 “Now I am the source of light I looked for everywhere else.”  Paraphrase SMR

Sit Shamatha for 5-10 minutes, and then meditate for 3 to 5 minutes with a feeling of complete love for yourself, a complete sense of harmony and balance. Not dependent on anyone or any situation, just be saturated with a sense of balance and love.

We spend a LOT of time in our aggressions or ignoring our discord and frustrations. We MUST spend a little more time on an awareness of our being un-balanced and ACTING on accepting and working through our dissatisfactions.

We balance being human and spiritual, and one may be in the forefront more than the other  sometimes. Balance is consistently taking an assessment, having an awareness of where we are, and taking action to bring life into an acceptance and a sense of worthiness. Let us grow and glow together.

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time. 

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. 

The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for. 

Heart Of Recovery web site – fcheartofrecovery.com