Self Hate – Self Love

I am what I think I am.
Do I identify with what I see as my defects, or do I identify with my innate sacred, spiritual nature, and my connection with life and others?

If I identify with, or fight against my addictions, obsessions or defects, I will stay in a negative state of mind about myself and may enjoy feeling sorry for myself, the noble victim. Identity with anything, being an addict or being rich, categorizes and limits me. It takes courage to lay down the me identity, and just simply and fully engage in life.

“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything — anger, anxiety, or possessions — we cannot be free.” Thich Nhat Hanh

Do you obsess about something to come in the future? Do you play out over and over the things that “will probably go wrong”? You are living in the future with frustration and fear dominating the present. Consider the future, from a present mindset, which means you don’t become enmeshed in your thoughts but you see the future as a distant object you are considering. After due consideration, LET IT GO. Believe in yourself, your capacities, your possible goofs and the need to adjust as the situation occurs, with confidence.

“When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation or accept it, all else is madness.” Eckhart Tolle

If you are not connected to truth, meaning reality, not any “personal truth,” then you will always be unsettled and confused. The ego is not truth, but our spiritual connection with others and the simple reality of any situation is. Within truth is a sense of serenity and confidence.

Confidence is not about doing things better, or having more skills, it is simply about believing in who you are, just as you are. You feel good about yourself for no good reason, except it is the most life-fulfilling state of mind you can have. What brings self doubt? Certainly we have all had trauma to contend with, and we need to take care of that with counciling, programs and self fulfilling personal practices. The common theme underlying all these works is that self-compassion is the antidote to self-hate. So how do you create more compassion for yourself?  Talk to yourself the way you talk to someone you care about. Care about yourself, treat yourself well. When you find you are not caring for yourself, begin right then to do so.

“Self-love is not simply a state of feeling good. It is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love is dynamic; it grows through actions that mature us. When we act in ways that expand self-love in us, we begin to accept our weaknesses as well as our strengths, have less need to explain away our short-comings, are more centered in our life purpose and values, and expect living fulfillment through our own efforts.” Psychology Today

Self-Love is not like a romantic love with many emotions involved. Self-Love is more foundational and grounded. A satisfaction and appreciation on knowing your place in the world, of knowing you are connected to all the life energies that exist and have a good relationship with all life. You never fail, are always learning, growing, engaging with life, and able to express yourself with kindness and honesty. And when you don’t do those things properly, you accept that, learn, and step forward again and again in confidence.

Self-love doesn’t happen by luck. You have to create it.
“1 – Become mindful. People who have more self-love tend to know what they think, feel and want. They are mindful, aware, of who they are and act on this knowledge.

2 – Act on what you need rather than what you want. You love yourself when you can turn away from something that feels good and exciting, to what you need to stay strong, centered, and  moving forward in your life, instead. 

3 – Practice good self-care. You will love yourself more, when you take care of your basic needs.

4 – Set boundaries. You’ll love yourself more when you set limits or say no to work, love, or activities that deplete or harm you physically, emotionally and spiritually.

5 – Protect yourself. Bring the right people into your life. There isn’t enough time in your life to waste on people who want to take away the shine on your face.

6 – Forgive yourself. We humans can be so hard on ourselves. The downside of taking responsibility for our actions is punishing ourselves too much for mistakes in learning and growing. You have to accept your humanness (the fact that you are not perfect), before you can truly love yourself. Practice being less hard on yourself.

7 – Live intentionally. You will accept and love yourself more, whatever is happening in you life, when you live with purpose and design. Your purpose doesn’t have to be crystal clear to you. If your intention is to live a meaningful and healthy life, you will make decisions that support this intention, and feel good about yourself You need to establish your living intentions, to do this.” Deborah Khoshaba Psy.D Honor yourself and who you really are.

One should cultivate a certain light-heartedness, but stay within oneself. If one has a sense of humor about oneself and the world, it is much easier to love oneself properly. It’s also much easier to love everybody else, if you laugh more than you growl.

Are you really so concerned with what someone else says or thinks of you? What do you think? When you respect and love yourself you will always stand up for yourself or your beliefs, kindly but firmly, if it is truly important, and let the small B.S. Go. 

So, it is action, not speculation, it is practice, not theory that matters. Intention, if it is not followed by corresponding action, does not count. What will you do today? And tomorrow?

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step
The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for
May you be well. May you be happy. May you find peace.

Heart Of Recovery web site  — fcheartofrecovery.co