10-14-18 UNEASE


It takes courage and practice, over and over again, to go beyond our old behavior of blaming others and ourselves, and engage in the practice of CARING for others and ourselves.

We were having trouble with our personal relationships, we couldn’t control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression — we were unhappy and couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people.
When we saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance on the spirit of the universe—. Big Book

This unhappy state occurred when I was in my addiction. I was always either uneasy or afraid, or blanked out. I can still be unhappy, uneasy, in a general way if I do not believe in myself. There are times of mourning and difficulty in all our lives. But, if I can look honestly at my life, and find no MAJOR reason to be suffering, I can stop doing it.

It really is ok to feel good, for no reason. It is not ok to feel bad for no reason. That is just selfishness and a “poor me” attitude.

Rather than trying to get rid of an obstacle or buying into a sense of being attacked, we can use it to see what we do when we’re squeezed. Do we close down or open up? Do we feel resentful or do we soften? Do we become wiser or more stupid? Pema Chodron

“My meditation teachers taught me that with aggression you may accomplish some things, but with gentleness you can accomplish all things.” SMR
Doubt is the first obstacle of fearlessness that needs to be overcome.
I am a completely worthy person. I have inherently in me the capacity to love, to care and to live a full and rich life that is not driven by fear or confusion. I am deserving of all this! And I can work in a consistent manner with my new sense of worthiness.

How often do I get upset at inanimate objects? Or a situation that has already occurred? Or my plan is not working? Even though other people did not know what my plan was I am upset with them because they are not cooperating!
How often am I attached to a situation or a thing where I want to re-live or re-create the pleasure I experienced once, and try to have it happen again, and again?

How often do I judge or blame? Do I even know when I am trying to elicit a particular response from someone, so I can get what I want from them? Has my behavior become so ingrained that I don’t even know I am doing it? You will feel un-easy whenever you try to manipulate someone or a situation. The feeling may come in the sense of you are anxious and waiting for the other person to give in so you can get what you want. Do you realize the damage you are doing then? To yourself and to another.

Or you may feel a sense of unease when someone is trying to manipulate you. You may be afraid to respond with how you really feel because there may be some negativity from the other person. One – be brave enough to believe in yourself!!! Two – don’t enable bad behavior from another. When we give in when we don’t want to we will have resentment against the other person and ourselves. We stop believing in ourselves a little more. ALWAYS believe in yourself, and act honestly and kindly. Kindly also means, you stick up for yourself, and care for yourself. You are the only one that can truly look after yourself, and you are worth it.

I can go through the day feeling an unease, a subtle unhappiness. Why? There is nothing really wrong. I realize that I am slightly unhappy with a number and a variety of small things that dampen my spirit, put a bit of darkness into my heart. I am filling my bucket one drop at a time with unhappiness. This unhappiness is almost undetectable since I have gotten so used to it. This subtle darkening of my heart is accumulative. It builds up, and remains as a negative force in my life. This negativity becomes an underling foundation of my view of the world.

When I am making up my own little poor me world, with an Awareness of what I am doing, how I am thinking, how I am re-acting, I will have a sense of – I am tired of this bull I keep telling myself. I can choose to act in a positive manner instead.

Whenever there is a sense of threat we harden. And so if we don’t harden, what happens? We’re left with that uneasiness, that feeling of threat. That is when the real journey of courage begins. — To find the soft spot and the tenderness in that very uneasy place and stay with it.

If you touch fear, behind fear is a soft spot. And if you touch that soft spot you find the vast blue sky. You find that which is ungraspable and unbiased, that which can support and awaken us at any time. Pema Chodron
Meditation is one essential way of touching into our basic goodness, recognizing the impermanence of our thoughts, and feeling the fear or grasping our emotions can bring, without engaging the emotions. Not permitting them to run us. We are better than that, more worthy!

We all have some up or down days and moods. There are times that we do have to deal with a difficult situation and we have to accept that things are difficult right now, and we deal with that the best we can. We know we are not alone, that others also have difficulties. We help the best we can in the situation, and we also make sure we take care of ourselves. We find that foundation of worthiness and connect and stay connected with our practices and making sure we make time for ourselves. We can’t help another well if we are too mired down. Don’t feel uneasy in taking care of yourself, your responsibility is to help others, and care for yourself.

Relax. There is very little that is worth becoming upset about. We may be a bit addicted to drama. We can let our unease inform us as to what is happening, and then choose to act wisely, instead of being fixated with our fear, and trying to avoid or conquer it. Be kind, be diligent. Begin believing in yourself. When you feel a tension, it may mean you are going to act in a selfish manner, disregarding others, or giving in when you really don’t want to.                              Act beyond the unease you feel. You are better than that. You can do it!

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time.

 The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for.

Heart of Recovery web site — fcheartofrecovery.com