10-7-18 Embrace Dependence

Embrace Dependence

We are all dependent.

In the past we have experienced and indulged a dependence on a substance or an action. This  indulgence brings pain and a sense of disconnection, ansd isolation.

To embrace only ourselves means our arms are closed around ourselves, a tight narrow embrace. Excluding all others, and embracing only ourselves, squeezes the warmth and softness out of our hearts. We are left with a hard, cold heart that suffers because of our isolation. 

We are learning to open our arms, and widen our embrace, to include and encompass, ourselves, others and our world.

As we become more aware of what causes distress or happiness in ourselves, we begin to      genuinely be aware of, and feel the distress or happiness of others.

As a society we are dependent on each other. We have a responsibility to touch into our innate goodness, to come from that foundation of loving kindness and compassion, and then live, and promote those qualities for the benefit of others and ourselves.

We are not Saints, and should not expect to always be loving and kind. We have had a long road of old established destructive or selfish behaviors. We need to become aware of how these behaviors have disengaged us from a connection to our spiritual self, from others and the world.

We work slowly but continuously on re-affirming our ability to embrace ourselves and others, a step at a time. But we do need to work on it diligently, every day.

Thich Nhat Hahn calls this dependence, inter-being. Nothing can exist by itself alone. It has to depend on every other thing. To be, means to Inter-be.

If we light one candle, and then light a thousand more candles from that one, the first candle is not diminnished.

Selfishness – self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self pity…

When all else failed work with another alcoholic saved the day. Big Book –  AA

When we practice generating compassion we can expect to experience our fear and pain. 

The trick is to relax and move gently towards what scares us. To let fear soften us, rather than harden into resistance.

To recognize our shared humanity. We are not separate, we are not alone. Pema Chodron

                                                                                                                                                       Can you feel when you withdraw, when you pull your arms in to not embrace others, to be only concerned with your small self. It feels very closed and confusing. We cannot think our way out of our pain, we need to be able to touch, with our hearts, into our innate basic goodness, to have a program, a discipline that we follow to keep us in touch with our larger self that includes others. To replace old behaviors with new healthy ways. We need to remind ourselves to soften and see the pain of others many times every day. You are not responsible for someone else, but you are responsible for what you bring to others, that will affect them and yourself.

During the moment one is consulting, resolving, and dealing with whatever arises, a calm heart and self-control are necessary, if one is to obtain good results. Thich Nhat Hahn 

We also learn when it is necessary to speak up, but kindly, never out of anger, when someone is too far out of line and doing harm. We respect ourselves and will not permit others to disrespect us. We know we can begin relying on our wisdom and honesty, coupled with compassion. We should say how it makes us feel, not what the other person should or should not do. Not to engage in an argument and force your way, but to speak honestly, KINDLY, and then let it go. It is always good to take a breath before you respond to a situation. This gives you the opportunity to feel the tightness of self, and to expand to include others, and yourself, in a larger space. 

Begin the day, as soon as you wake up, by giving thanks, be grateful for – – – your bed, your shoes, the food you will soon have, your toothbrush, the sun, the clouds. How many other people, were involved in the making of, and bringing to you, any of those things. Be grateful to them, feel connected and a part of it all. Find 3 things to be grateful for, before your mind begins judging and condeming. It is ok, and actually recommended, that you feel as worthy and as happy as you can. You are responsible, Choose. You are a worthy and good person!

Breath is the bridge which connects life to consciousness, which unites your body and your thoughts. Whenever your mind becomes scattered, use your breath as the means to take hold of your mind again.

With this Breath I am Present – Calm – Open.

Use the Present, Calm and Open Breathing technique when you catch yourself engaging in the endless blather the mind has gotten used to entertaining itself with. Or when other thoughts or emotions are ruling the present moment. Sit or stand in an upright manner, do not slouch. Head up, heart center open.              

Short – 3 Breath – version of calming.

1 – Breathe in deeply: I Am Present. Breathe out Presence. 3 times.

2 – Breathe in deeply: I Am Calm. Breathe out Calmness. 3 times.

3 – Breathe in deeply: I am Open. Breathe out Openness. 3 times.

Let your open presence remain, smile, and continue with life.


If you don’t do something different, not much will change.

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one breath.

The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for.

Heart Of Recovery web site    fcheartofrecovery.com