9-23-18 Emotions


Emotions guide our lives in a million ways. Whether we’re inclined to hide and avoid or ponder and express them, most of us don’t realize the extent to which they are driving our thoughts and behavior. Exploring our emotions is a worthy endeavor for anyone hoping to know and develop themselves, build healthy relationships, and pursue what they want in life.

When we live in harmony with our emotions, we become more in touch with who we are. We gain insight into the real core emotions that are causing our reactions, and we can be the one at the wheel, choosing our actions. Feeling is an adaptive mechanism to give us critical information. By focusing on emotion with compassion and curiosity, we can discover who we really are.

“Primary emotions are our first emotional reaction. They’re often followed by a more defended secondary emotion. Sometimes, we are only consciously aware of the secondary emotion: the anger that covers up feeling hurt, the embarrassment overpowering our sadness, or the anxiety masking a deeper fear. 

If we imagine a moment of feeling tense, frustrated or stuck in a bad feeling, driven to react without a sense of relief, we were probably caught in a secondary emotion. However, if we were able to access the deeper, more vulnerable feeling, perhaps a want or a need, or a core feeling of sadness or shame, we were then experiencing a primary emotion. Initially, we may have noticed the feeling building, but with mindfulness, we feel the emotion easing like a wave. When we allow ourselves to feel a primary emotion, we often experience relief. We aren’t necessarily inclined to act. Instead, we feel more in touch with ourselves, softened yet more alive.” Psychology Today

When we operate primarily on the basis of our habitual patterns, we run into problems. At the first flash of emotion, we move so quickly into our habitual ways that we completely miss that first moment. It was so authentic — it could have told us so much. But we never even saw it or felt it. We’ve already lost touch with the fresh, creative energy at the core of our being and skipped to our usual way of expressing our anger or jealousy.

I used to think that my addiction was helping me to feel alive, when all it was doing was masking any problems that I needed to look at, and keeping me very superficial. Our addictions of all kinds are emotionally charged and are fixations of the mind. They are conceptual, rigid and based in fear. We can be emotionally attached to avoidance, aggression or being needy. Then we will feel confused and unsettled, even when we get what we want. Those feelings of dissatisfactions are informing us that we are not feeling our life force, we are engaging our manipulations and fear.

How much are we attached to ME. What I want, how I think, know, how things should be done, and what is wrong with THEM. How many times a day do we get resentments, small and large, because of THEM. Emotions seem juicy and empowering, but they often only close us up and distance us from the world. The more we feel disconnected, the more we rationalize what is wrong with them, and embrace our sickness. We can start spinning a story, telling others all about it, or just talk to ourselves, our favorite audience. We are feeding the fire of being a victim and are rolling around in either poor ME ME ME or HEY look at ME ME ME.

When you find yourself doing that. Don’t feel bad about what you are doing, just recognize it and CHOOSE to turn that energy into awareness and kindness, for yourself and for others.

We can return to a state of simplicity and relaxation through the practice of mindfulness. We can begin by pausing and bringing awareness to our thoughts and emotional reactions. We can take one small step at a time towards waking up in the present moment. That’s where we hear a note of music and feel its life force. It’s where we enjoy a laugh, soothe our aches and pains, and feel our heart opening. Emotions, felt but not acted out, can teach you generosity, patience, and courage. It’s only when you don’t allow yourself to feel your emotions or when you distort their energy that you can get into trouble with them.

“Nobody can make us think about something…You decide what you will entertain in your mind. Simply because someone or some circumstance, plants a negative, discouraging thought in your brain doesn’t mean you have to ‘water’ it, nurture it, coddle it, and help it to grow If you surrender control of your mind to circumstances, mood swings, stress, and/or the opinions and critiques of others, you will lose your identity and become (more or less) a chameleon in life. Don’t let other people or circumstances dictate who you are.

We can engage in the world with a sense of worthiness and confidence and awe where truly deep feelings and an innate understanding and wisdom enhance our vibrant world.” Joel Osteen

 It is a useful strategy to ask oneself a checking question: ‘ What feeling is present?’

It is of particular importance to dissociate the feelings from the thought of ‘I’ or ‘mine’. There should be no ego-reference, as for instance, “I feel”; nor should there be any thoughts of being the owner of the feeling, “I have pleasant feelings” or “I have pain”. Awareness of the feeling tone without the ego-reference allows the attention to be focused on the bare feeling alone

Our mind is the source of both happiness and suffering.  

Emotions are temporary states of mind. Don’t let them permanently destroy you. Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them. Breathe, relax and feel.

Only you can bring serenity and peace into your heart.

Believe in yourself. Feel and know, you are deserving and worthy of peace in your lives, and for bringing it into the lives of others.

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for.

 Heart Of Recovery web site    fcheartofrecovery.com