9-16-18 Fighting is Feeding

Fighting is Feeding

One thing I have recognized about myself when I was in my addiction was that I seemed to always be fighting against something.

Today I recognize that I am still fighting against things, though on a lesser scale.

To fight against, or grasp onto, any thought or feeling will only ultimately feed it. 

To deny a thought or feeling will also effectively feed it, permit it to continue and grow, even if hidden.

We fight against a feeling when we believe it to be BAD. And we indulge, grasp at a feeling or action when we feel it makes us happy, or at least not unhappy. We may believe that we need to judge and weigh things so that we will be able to choose what is good and what is bad. We are generally judging things from a perspective of what I want and don’t want, this feeds the ego, continues and strengthens our sense of a separate self, and dis-connects us from our world and others. 

How often do you feel that you have been inconvenienced, a finger gets pointed, because of what someone else has done and things are not exactly how you want them to be. 

Personally I feel this quite often, it is almost an automatic response.

An addiction can be devastating, as many of us have experienced. But we can and often do continue to indulge in other addictions that are not as obviously debilitating, but do continue to block our hearts, and narrow our experience. We can indulge in our “minor” addictions to the point of distraction. So that we are constantly distracted. Busy Doing, not Being. Our “doing” feeds our sense of distraction.

When we put a little salt on our food it enhanced the flavor, so we put a little more on and a little more on until the food was ruined.

We are not Bad, though we may do something that is not conductive to a healthy lifestyle. We may see that we are avoiding having a deeper connection, not practicing what we know is healthy for us, and are being selfish and unhappy, but we can’t seem to stop.

We need to not feel that we are BAD for doing this, IT HAPPENS, lets not make it worse by indulging in self pity. Be OK with being where you are right NOW.  

 We need to open up to what we are uncomfortable with, we need to relate with our pain, our being stuck. To not rationalize, justify, or be swept away by our habitual momentum. But to sit with, relate to and make friends with what seems to be our enemy. This is not a bad part of you, it is a part of you that can actually give you insight and help you to relax a little more.

If you are feeling in conflict with a part of your life, ACCEPT it, look at it, make friends with it. Become very comfortable that you are human and fallible. Do you think you need to be perfect? OH what a burden. It’s a great way to justify not taking steps in a healthy direction. 

Do you still get a bit pissed at the dumb-ass driver on the way home?

OK, know you are doing it, and lighten up on yourself, laugh at yourself a bit. Make the journey, whatever it may be, a peaceful one. Respect yourself enough to bring peace into your life. This will help others also, mostly because you are not being a jerk, or hiding as often

 We do have a choice of how we relate to our emotions. We do not have to fight and feed them. And to know that the emotion is not who we are, it is a transitory experience, that has many strings attached to people, judgments and fears. You can choose to return to a fuller, more open awareness of life, which can include the emotion but is not dominated or controlled by it.   

Expand and open your mind, letting the emotion, good or bad, exist in a greater awareness.

That’s it; you don’t have to fix anything. Just an awareness and an acceptance.

Train yourself in Precision, Gentleness and Letting Go.

Can you take 10 or 15 minutes a day to work directly with a difficulty in your life?                 If you can’t, you may be aspiring, hoping to grow and heal, while not taking the action needed.  

If any emotion becomes overwhelming, let it go.  You might start the exercise with a difficulty that is reasonable to handle. Become familiar with how to work with what is eating you, so that it feeds you.

Exercise

Sit in Simple Shamatha meditation for a few minutes, feel your breath as a relaxing medication.

Bring to mind a tension or difficulty that has been affecting you. 

Think of the circumstances, your actions, others involved, and the feeling that it brings.

Notice in your body where the feeling is located most strongly.

Now let go of any of the circumstances, or people involved, just feel the raw feeling, unassociated with anything else, just what it FEELS like.

If you are judging this feeling as good or bad, let that judgment go, just feel the basic feeling for what it is, on its own. Don’t fight with the feeling, let it be there. Let what you are feeling be your experience.

Breathe into the feeling, letting your breath permeate and soften the feeling. Like iron turning into swiss cheese. Let this feeling sit in your vast, open consciousness.

Let this spoonful of salt be present in a great, open, fresh lake of stillness.

Let it dissolve into that vastness.

Now rest in the vast, calm, awareness that is present.

Rest in Shamatha.

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for.

Heart Of Recovery web site    fcheartofrecovery.com