9-2-18 To Judge, or to Feel Compassion?

To Judge, or to Feel Compassion?

Judgment – The formation of an opinion, (subjective), based on our evaluation.

Compassion – A deep awareness of suffering, coupled with the wish to relieve it.

When we judge, we are determining that a situation, our behavior, or another’s behavior is correct or wrong. And we know this because WE have the capacity to know what is right.

We delude ourselves when we choose to limit reality by our definition of it, we try to keep everything under our control. Yet life is not for the purpose of controlling. Our insistence that life be as we determine it, even in the face of irrefutable evidence to the contrary, keeps us stuck defending personal beliefs that are neither helpful nor true. It is possible to enter the present moment with curiosity, openness and acceptance. When we let go of our judgments we become enchanted and delighted, surprised and vibrantly alive.

We are addicted to our thoughts and our craving to have things our way. This is a narrow view that constantly brings discontent. Most of us spend the day in constant contemplation of how we can help ourselves get something or avoid something. This is a very strong and practiced behavior. First, as in all addictions, we need to be aware of our behavior, then to look at our behavior with discrimination and compassion to see if it is hindering us or cultivating a healthy life and relationship with the world. If it is hindering us, what will we do about it? Knowledge is essential but useless unless put into wise action. We can begin to change our behavior slowly but with determination to stay on the path.

We can judge ourselves as – not good enough, a poverty mentality, fearful. Or – Better than others, promoting ourselves, either with our achievements or with our special unique problems, which others really need to understand. This is a means of detachment, and is lonely.

When we judge others, we deepen and widen the distance between ourselves and the other person, and the world. We isolate and feel lonely.

In recovery we have learned to have an understanding and compassion for another’s struggle with an addiction. We need to continue to bring a sense of compassion for others and ourselves in ALL respects. Why would we not want to do this???

We will feel fear and a sense of loss, when we begin letting go of our judgments and replacing them with thoughts of compassion and understanding. Like our addiction, our fears, and our coping mechanisms and avoidance techniques have become very comfortable to us and seem necessary. We feel naked and vulnerable without them.

How often do you complain, judge and get into a judgement party with others, to make you feel bigger?

When we cease being aggressive towards our emotions, our judgments, and just see them for what they are, accept that, and move forward in a fresh openness, compassion arises naturally and the chains of judgment begin falling away. We are able to make better, healthier decisions, instead of acting from judgments.

In my addiction I was constantly upset with others and the world because I was not getting what I wanted. In early recovery I judged others because I still did not like myself. As I began to be able to look at myself honestly, I did not like who I was and how I had acted, and it was a difficult time to get through. As I progress in being honest with myself, and working with compassion for myself, I actually begin to like and trust myself more. I can still have times of doubting myself, and of obsessing with my negative thoughts, but I am able to be aware of my behavior and to work WITH it, not deny it. This makes all the difference.

You are recharged by the energies you are in touch with. Compassion is not a matter of giving something to someone else, but of giving up your demands….. Compassion has nothing to do with achievement, only spaciousness, and generosity. Paraphrase – Sakyong 

When you feel a judgement arising, FORGIVE whatever or whoever it is immediately.

This dosen’t mean you can’t recognize what action may need to be taken, but that you can take any action, or not, from a place of kindness and intelligence. Not from a place of gossip or revenge.

Whenever you are feeling a negative judgment about someone, including yourself, you should ask instead – How are they, you, feeling? Breathe a sense of compassion, of kindness into the judgment. This will bring a freedom you have never known.

If you have quit fighting anyone or anything, what is left after you have refused to fight anymore?

Refusing to fight is difficult! Being peaceful and compassionate takes more courage and discipline than promoting BS and violence.

A blessing naturally occurs when you overcome your aggression, first towards yourself, and then towards others. You are able to work with life in a calmer and more rational manner. Using your intelligence and your heart in concert, will enable you to engage in life with joy, humor and a contentment that feels right.

3 Breath Calming Exercise, Being; Calm, Present and Open. 

When feeling tight, or consumed with judgments, breathe into the feeling, two or three times for each step. 

1 – Breathe in deeply: I Am Calm    Breathe out Calmness. 

     Feel your body, your heart and mind relax, let any tension drain out.

2 – Breathe in deeply: I Am Present. Breathe out Presence.

     Feel your presence, the energy in your body and heart center,

    Your presence, your awareness unfolding and expanding, mixing with all vast existing 

    energies.Feel a natural sense of appreciation.

3 – Breathe in deeply: I am Open    Breathe out Openness.

     Feel your awareness open, expand, you are OPEN and accepting to what is truly there.


  How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for.

Heart Of Recovery web site    fcheartofrecovery.com