5-6-18 Self Aggression.

Self Aggression.

Hostile, injurious, or destructive behavior or outlook, especially when caused by frustration. 

Passive aggression toward the self is fundamentally about self-punishment. After all, if you’re self-disapproving, don’t much like yourself, and have never been able to fully embrace yourself (flaws and all), it’s as though you’ve given some ne’er do wells rent-free space inside your head, with the inevitable result that the other voices constantly remind you you’re not good enough—that you can’t live up to their expectations. Sadly, in the recesses of your brain, those critical voices have become your own.

Connect with yourself right now by blocking this inner critic from passing judgment on you. It has no business butting in to your life and holding you accountable for what’s happened in the past. Tie up your life right now in a bow of self-respect, compassion, and love.

Doubt is the first obstacle to fearlessness that needs to be overcome.

Every time I feel afraid or confused, I tell myself, “I am a worthy, capable person, I approve.” Say this to yourself, often. No one else needs to approve—only YOU. Never doubt it.

We are allowed to feel anything and everything. We are merely advised to not identify with anything that is transient, such as feelings, opinions, personalities. Notice the subtle difference between “I am afraid” and “I’m feeling fear.” Or, “I am unworthy” and “I am feeling unworthy.”

Difficult things have occurred in our lives. We may need to seek out help to manage and honestly come to terms with those things. We can begin believing in ourselves, dropping the aggression and passive nature, at any time. Try NOW, and then again later, and again, and again. A new habit, a good one. (Finally.)

Why would we permit a very negative reaction about ourselves from ourselves, but be afraid to perhaps evoke a negative reaction from another because we’re acting rightly? We need to NOT be afraid to do anything to stand up for ourselves. To never cower and feel worse. But to rejoice and engage in life. I am amazed when I drop having any aggression towards myself how much the world and my heart open up, and I feel free. It’s a little scary and strange to not make myself feel like crap, but I know it is possible.

With low self-esteem I may find many ways to try and empower or to demean myself. Perhaps to have dominion over others physically or sexually, or to verbally debase a person or a class of people. Or I may act passive and submissive, physically, sexually or verbally. Or I may never feel good enough; always small and ‘less than.’ It is all a lie we tell ourselves, and we CAN stop believing it. Know when you feel afraid, less than, not good enough, and say I AM good enough. Believe it! Step into your fear, act with courage and compassion, and begin to live.

Any 12 step program, as well as any spiritual path, involves learning, discussion with others, and finally ACTION. We can choose to just drop our feelings of drudgery, or the dark cloud over our heads, any time we choose. We can let go of that need for some final resolution of all our perceived problems, and begin to like ourselves JUST AS WE ARE.

If I am aggressive towards myself because of my weight, my lack of money, my past behavior, or someone else, fixing any of those things will not then make me happy. I am acting out and aggressive because of my view of myself. I will continue to be aggressive and negative towards myself regardless of how good or bad things are. We can choose to be happy at any moment, for no particular reason. Try feeling happy and complete.  Approve of yourself, for just a moment or two, anytime during the day. That is when you can choose to not retreat into your creation of a hostile world. We are all naturally inquisitive, open and engaged in the world. Don’t permit the lies you tell yourself to win.

Practicing meditation can actually ramp up our habitual self-denigration. This is because, in the process of stabilizing the mind, we become more aware of traits in ourselves that we don’t like. At this point, we need to look deeper, with even more clarity. When we examine our addictions, for example, we need to be able see the sadness that’s behind having another drink, the         loneliness behind another joint. 

“Most of us do not take these situations as teachings. We automatically hate them. We run like crazy. We use all kinds of ways to escape — all addictions stem from this moment when we meet our edge and we just can’t stand it. We feel we have to soften it, pad it with something, and we become addicted to whatever it is that seems to ease the pain.” ? Pema Chödrön

The student warrior asked Fear, “How can I defeat you?”  Fear replied, “If you don’t do what I tell you, I have no power. You can listen to me, and you can have respect for me. You can even be convinced by me. But if you don’t do what I say, I have no power.” In that way, the student warrior learned how to defeat fear. 

This brings us to unconditional friend-ship with ourselves. When you have a true friend, you stick together year after year, but you don’t put your friend up on a pedestal and think that he or she is perfect. Unconditional friendship with yourself has the same flavor as the deep friendships you have with others. You know yourself, you ACCEPT yourself, and you’re kind to yourself. You even love yourself. It is ok to feel good about yourself.  Believe in yourself!!!

We don’t need to get out of the rain, we need to learn to dance a joyful rain dance.

“You are the sky. Everything else – it’s just the weather.” ? Pema Chödrön

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for.

Heart Of Recovery web site    fcheartofrecovery.com