2-11-18 Forgiveness

Forgiveness

Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, more positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act.
Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.

When you’re hurt by someone you love and trust, you might become angry, sad or confused.
If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and
hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. You then are coming from, acting from a place of resentment, fear and anger, and you cannot help hurting others and yourself. You bring anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience.

Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and
situation have had in your life.
As you let go of grudges, you’ll no longer define your life by how you’ve been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding. Mayo Clinic

Importantly, self-forgiveness need not be all-or-nothing. It’s a slow process that may never result in a full release of negative feelings or an exclusively rosy view of oneself. Rather than being a form of self-indulgence, healthy self-forgiveness might be better seen as an act of humility, an honest acknowledgment of our capacity for causing harm as well as our potential for doing good, that we all possess. A resentment is only a thought. Not a reality or ultimate truth. The truth is found in the space between your thoughts, where it is still and calm. As in meditation, release the thought, and abide, rest, in the stillness and openness of between. Practice this, see what happens.

If you try to reach inside of your heart you can find forgiveness, or at least the start,
And from that place where you can forgive is where Hope, and Love, also thrive and live.
And with each step that you try to take and with that chance that your heart might break,
comes so much happiness, and so much strength which alone can carry you a fantastic length.
For hate and anger will not get you there. Barry S. Maltese

“Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.” ~Jean Paul Sartre
It is normal to blame others for your situation, especially while in an addiction. It takes any responsibility off of ourselves. When we begin recovery we begin seeing that WE were the main cause of our problems, and that can be difficult to swallow. We need to truly forgive ourselves for all and any actions we have taken in the past. If we do not, we will maintain a sense of guilt and self-blame that demeans us and will not permit us to have a sense of dignity and wholeness we DO naturally and innately possess. We will continue living life like a victim. We need to forgive ourselves and feel the freedom it brings and the possibilities that open up. It takes courage to forgive ourselves, and anyone else that has been judgmental and negative in our lives.
What would it feel like to not have that subtle sense of guilt, and the need for something to mask, to cover up our sense of shame and lack? It would and does feel liberating. Feel it everyday. Every minute you don’t feel it, remind yourself, what an amazing person you are.

Have you been in a relationship where the other person was critical and you always felt belittled and not good enough. Please forgive them, and do not believe a word of what was said.
Anyone who critizes a lot is very unhappy and afraid. Feel compasssion and love for them and yourself.

It is necessary to feel dignity and a sense of completeness, otherwise we will continue looking for and attracting negativity in our lives. Too much self pity, and a lack of believing in ourselves can lead to needing to hide from ourselves, often through an addiction.
Any relapse begins a long time before we indulge in our addiction. It begins with not believing in ourselves and beginning to sabotage our relationships, feeling guilty and pity for ourselves.
Forgive yourself and anyone else that has caused difficulties, on purpose or only in your mind.
Resentments are the number one offender. You can’t be resentful if you forgive.

If your boss, or anyone in your life, routinely puts you down you must decide that you won’t tolerate the put downs. You come up with a plan for how you’re going to handle it when they arise, and then you actually assert that boundary, while looking at them with pure love because you know that their put downs are because they are suffering.
To be above the fray, to give the situation space and not participate in farthing harm, is a choice we can continue to work with. Be aware, take a breath, do not engage.

To forgive is to be compassionate. We need to recognize that all people are trying to be happy, sometimes in rather unskilled ways that can injure others, as we have probably done.
We need to feel compassion and forgiveness for ourselves and others. To know the suffering, to contemplate and feel it until it is unbearable, so that it shatters us a bit. To be able to touch into a higher level of awareness and openness that is raw and all encompassing.

There is a Buddhist saying – “Drive all blames into one” – you, yourself, take responsibility. No one can demean you without your permission.
Then – Drop all blame. An amazing openness and connection is then possible.

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
“The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for.”
Heart Of Recovery web site – fcheartofrecovery.com