11-5-17 family


Family – Those with whom we feel a bond. How large or small our family is, is up to us.
However it actually consists of the Human Family, all of us, and all of them, all!!!
Your family can offer you the support you need to thrive, as long as you also offer support.

We naturally have a need for a connection to others.
We are completely whole just as we are. However our innate wholeness includes all others. We learn to separate ourselves through our identification with our egos. The focus on ourselves, on the ME, that we have learned and continually promote, is in opposition to – ALL, or the
wholeness. We are enhanced and enlarged within community. We are narrowed and in fear when we deny family and identify with what “I” want. Social support is essential to our physical, emotional and spiritual growth. How can you seek to not only engage in a larger social arena for yourself, but what can you bring to others?
To love and to be loved are necessary. Committed relationships take effort to maintain.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T Respect is the Holy Grail of functional families. Being considerate of each other is the tie that binds. Just about all healthy relationships come out of respect first.
A functional family lets people define themselves. Individual differences are appreciated even celebrated. Elvira G. Aletta, Ph.D

“Every human being has a fundamental nature of basic goodness. This nature can be developed in daily life so that it radiates out to family, friends, community and society.
We are living through an age of greed and aggression. We harm ourselves, each other and our planet. We can experience a natural source of radiance and brilliance in the world, which is the innate wakefulness of human beings. Not a utopia, but a culture in which life’s challenges are met with kindness, generosity and courage.” Sakyong Mipham.

Family – We argue, we fall out, we make up, we love, we don’t speak, we chat for hours, we are family. We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.

Love and respect for ourselves is essential. Without loving ourselves we have no love and respect to extend to others. Through the process of introspection, meditation, prayer and contemplation, and putting our principals into action with ourselves and with others, we learn the joy of inclusion, and erase the pain of exclusion.

“As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons…
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.” Desiderata

Building a family, supporting a family, being with a family, receiving the support and guidance of a family is, the practice.”As in meditation, prayer and any spiritual practice, it is good to practice alone AND with others. Alone you may touch deeply into your difficulties and joys and the ways to work with them. However you only work with yourself in order to be a grateful and sharing member of the entire Human Race. Any effort to hold and keep your spiritual growth for yourself is useless and creates conflict and division. With others, you fulfill a needed sense of community and sharing. It is never all about YOU. There is no – “just you.” Thinking so is what creates the conflict.

Only YOU, is like sitting in a stark white room, with flickering, buzzing flourscent lights, playing mindless games on your computer. Step outside, see the sun, the vast sky with the clouds. Feel the breeze and hear the people laughing, arguing, in joy and in fear, and being real.

There will always be conflict, within ourselves, and with others. Conflict is not the problem. What we do when conflict arises is the important point. If fear, resentment or attack is our response, there may be war. Even if initially resentment and attack are our responses, we can modify that with a peaceful offering and compassion.

Try for one day to not judge others, which always creates conflict within yourself. When you feel that tightness because THEY are not acting the way they SHOULD, breathe and accept. Don’t think, just accept. Let no one take your peacefulness. You are responsible for your peace, which means you are responsible for not judging others. When negativity arises, – accept it, – do not engage in it, – and replace it with peace and acceptance.
Really, try this for one day. Perhaps your clue word could be peace, or whatever brings you back. Without walking our path, the weeds grow up and we lose our way.

As my addiction kept me isolated, separate. I can still today keep myself isolated, or choose one or two that are “worthy” that I let in.When I am feeling resentful, fearful or the pain of being separate, I ask myself, “How BIG can I be?” I find I can always expand at least a little, which increases my sense of family, and peace.

Our innate, inclusive openness may seem disquieting at first, it does not contain all the little judgmental toys that are so dear to us. But as we continue touching into that soft openness, we begin to feel the rightness and warmth of the family we are re-joining.

How well you get along with others is a reflection of how well you are getting along with yourself. Find peace and gentleness within yourself, and this will radiate out to others. You will want to be a part of the larger community and your life will be engaged.

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
“The Great family arises out of small families that are honored and cared for.”
Heart Of Recovery web site — fcheartofrecovery.com