9-10-17 Unease


It does take courage and practice, over and over again, to go beyond our old behavior of blaming others and ourselves, and engage in the practice of caring for others and ourselves.

We were having trouble with our personal relationships, we couldn’t control our emo- tional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression — we were unhappy and couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people.
When we saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance on the spirit of the universe—. Big Book

This unhappy state occurred when I was in my addiction. I was always either uneasy and afraid, or blanked out. I can still be unhappy, uneasy, in a general way if I do not believe in myself. There are times of mourning and difficulty in all our lives. But, If I can look honestly at my life, and find no MAJOR reason to be suffering, I can stop doing it.

It really is ok to feel good, for no reason. It is not ok to feel bad for no reason. That is just selfishness and a poor me attitude.

Pema Chodron

Rather than trying to get rid of an obstacle or buying into a sense of being attacked, we can use it to see what we do when we’re squeezed. Do we close down or open up? Do we feel resentful or do we soften? Do we become wiser or more stupid?

“My meditation teachers taught me that with aggression you may accomplish some things, but with gentleness you can accomplish all things.”
Doubt is the first obstacle of fearlessness that needs to be overcome.
I am a completely worthy person. I have inherently in me the capacity to love, to care and to live a full and rich life that is not driven by fear or confusion. I am deserving of all this! And I can work in a consistent manner with my new sense of worthiness.

How often do I get upset at inanimate objects? Or a situation that has already occurred? Or my plan is not working? Even though other people did not know what my plan was I am upset with them because they are not cooperating!
How often am I attached to a situation or a thing where I want to re-live or re-create the pleasure I experienced once, and try to have it happen again, and again?

How often do I judge or blame? Do I even know when I am trying to elicit a particular response from someone, so I can get what I want from them?

I can go through the day feeling an unease, a subtle unhappiness, Why? There is nothing really wrong. I realize that I am slightly unhappy with a large number and a variety of small things that dampen my spirit, put a bit of darkness into my heart. I am filling my bucket one drop at a time with unhappiness. This unhappiness is almost undetectable since I have gotten so used to it. This subtle darkening of my heart is accumulative. It

builds up, and remains as a negative force in my life. This negativity becomes an underly- ing foundation of my view of the world.

If I am often trying to get something from others, manipulating them, because I want things to be my way, I am blaming them for my unhappiness. I am also a good distance from acceptance what reality is. I am making up my own poor me little world. With Awareness of what I am doing, how I am thinking, how I am re-acting, I will have a sense of – I am tired of this bull I keep telling myself. I can choose to act in a positive manner instead.

Whenever there is a sense of threat we harden. And so if we don’t harden, what happens? We’re left with that uneasiness, that feeling of threat. That is when the real journey of courage begins. — To find the soft spot and the tenderness in that very uneasy place and stay with it.

But if you touch fear, behind fear is a soft spot. And if you touch that soft spot you find the vast blue sky. You find that which is ineffable, ungraspable, and unbiased, that which can support and awaken us at any time.
Meditation is one essential way of touching into our basic goodness, recognizing the impermanence of our thoughts, and feeling the fear or grasping our emotions can bring.

Kindness opens many doors, and lets the light in.
To let go of our old behaviors can be difficult. When we are brave enough to ask, what is the root of my unhappiness, we may find an old destructive friend we are comfortable with. We sometimes need to work on not engaging that behavior a little bit at a time.

We all have some up or down days and moods. But we can accept this and keep going in a positive way. Relax. There is very little that is worth becoming upset about. We may be a bit addicted to drama. We can let our unease inform us as to what is happening, and then choose to act wisely, instead of being fixated with our fear, and trying to avoid or conquer it. Be kind, be diligent. Begin believing in yourself. When you feel a tension, it may mean you are going to act in a selfish manner, disregarding others Act beyond the unease you feel. You are better than that.

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

“The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for.”

Heart Of Recovery web site — fcheartofrecovery.com