6-25-17 Blame


Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
It does take courage and practice, over and over again, to go beyond our old behavior of blaming others and ourselves, and engage in the practice of caring for others and ourselves.

Big Book page 52:
We were having trouble with our personal relationships, we couldn’t control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression…We were unhappy and couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people…We saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance on the spirit of the universe.

Pema Chodron:
Rather than trying to get rid of an obstacle or buying into a sense of being attacked, we can use it to see what we do when we’re squeezed. Do we close down or open up? Do we feel resentful or do we soften? Do we become wiser or more stupid?
Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche:?“My meditation teachers taught me that with aggression you may accomplish some things, but with gentleness you can accomplish all things.”
Twelve and Twelve pg. 47:
Where other people were concerned, we had to drop the word “blame” from our speech and thought. This required great willingness even to begin. We learned that if we were seriously disturbed, our first need was to quiet that disturbance, regardless of who or what we thought caused it.

I can go through the day feeling an unease, a subtle unhappiness. Why? There is nothing really wrong. I realize that I am slightly unhappy with a large number and variety of small things that dampen my spirit, put a bit of darkness into my heart. I am filling my bucket one drop at a time with unhappiness. This unhappiness is almost undetectable since I have gotten so used to it. I can take a trip to the store and find a multitude of very small things that are wrong. The car is cold, the other drivers, the red light, etc, This subtle darkening of my heart is cumulative. It builds up, and remains as a negative force in my life. And I may wonder why I snap at someone for no good reason or walk around with a frown on my face. This negativity becomes an underlying foundation of my view of the world.

The energies I am choosing to embody and engage in are the energies that I will be putting forth to the world. If I put forth negative or needy energies, I will affect others in a negative or needy manner and be attracted to the same energies. If I put forth positive, gentle, life-affirming energies, I will bring that energy to the world and attract and be attracted to the same energies. I am responsible!

With Awareness of what I am doing, how I am re-acting, I can choose to act in a positive manner instead.

How often do I get upset at inanimate objects? Or at a situation that has already occurred? Or when my plan is not working? Even though other people did not know what my plan was, I am upset with them because they are not cooperating!

How often am I attached to a situation or a thing where I want to re-live or re-create the pleasure I experienced once, and try to have it happen again, and again?
How often do I judge or blame? Do I even know when I am trying to elicit a particular response from someone, so I can get what I want from them?

If I am trying to get something from others, manipulating them, because I want things to be my way, I am blaming them for my unhappiness. I am also a good distance from acceptance of what really is, which is the prescription for unhappiness.

Meditation is one essential way of touching into our basic goodness, recognizing the impermanence of our thoughts, and feeling the fear or grasping our emotions can bring. We begin by having the discipline to sit and experience who we are. Accepting everything as it is without grasping and embodying it. We touch into our larger spiritual side and let that gentleness permeate and envelope our doubts and fears.

To let go of our old behaviors can be difficult. When we are brave enough to ask, “what is the root of my unhappiness?” we may find an old destructive friend we are comfortable with. We sometimes need to work on not engaging that behavior a little bit at a time.
Be kind, be diligent. Kindness opens many doors, and lets the light in.

Doubt is the first obstacle of fearlessness that needs to be overcome. I am a completely worthy person. I have inherently in me the capacity to love, to care and to live a full and rich life that is not driven by fear or confusion. I am deserving of all this!

The point is to begin in a small way to uplift your life, which will also be uplifting to the lives around you.

If you feel the blame game in yourself, smile at it, give it a little laugh and let it go.

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for.
Heart Of Recovery web site — fcheartofrecovery.com