5-28-17 To feel

To Feel

To Feel: To have an intuitive awareness, a sense of, a connection with.

Addictions of all kinds are emotionally charged and are fixations of the mind. They are conceptual, rigid, and based in fear. We can be emotionally attached at any time, to avoidance, aggression or fear. We have to be brave enough to feel and understand what is going on. We need to base ourselves in our sense of feeling, where we are stimulated without thought or concept. We touch into our fears, feel them, and step through them the best we can. Beyond fear is our freedom, our peace and joy.
When we enter the present moment with curiosity, openness and acceptance, we feel life and what we are capable of. There is the sense of everything opening outward instead of everything being poisoned inward. We let go of our judgments and become enchanted and delighted, surprised and vibrantly alive. We do not deny the difficulties in life that occur. We will go through stages of working through our pain and those things that deny us a sense of ease and open awareness.

Working through any difficulty is essential; if we permit any denial or grasping to continue to dominate us, we will always feel an underlying sense of unease, and walk on the shaded side of the path. The sun shines, even if we have made clouds that obstruct our view of it.

In an addiction, I am emotionally attached to accomplishing something, getting or avoiding something, or just not caring. I used to feel that my addiction was helping me to feel alive, when all it was doing was masking any problems that I needed to look at. I used to use people to get what I wanted, with no thought of how they were affected. If I could get drunk or high and not get caught, it was a good night. I would get irate when I felt someone didn’t understand my needs, without realizing they were all selfish. Other people were just objects to use that I had no feeling for or connection with. I didn’t care, just as long as I got what I wanted from them. I can still do this today in other ways, which still brings much suffering.

We do not have to be afraid of what we are feeling right now. We do not have to look for alternatives or be ashamed of what we are feeling in this moment. Instead, we can just let our warmth toward the wound be there as the working basis. It is about truly nourishing and believing in ?ourselves. We feel it, rather than think about it.
In letting go of an addiction, we may experience feelings and emotions we are not familiar with because we have dampened our feelings for so long. We must get in touch with our basic nature. To feel the basic energy of the moment which we can be all caught up in. Addictions can be to anything: not feeling worthy, being afraid, or being frustrated with the world not catering to our whims.

We can develop a sense that it is safe to stay with the present and not look for alternatives to how we feel; even that it is useful not to look for alternatives. Another way of looking at this is to say that we have a sense of warmth for the uncomfortable energy of the present moment, for the raw quality of energy, regardless of how irritating it is. And instead of being ashamed of being all caught up, we begin to regard it as a valuable place to be. And the most powerful time to do this is when we are “all caught up.”

The next time you are feeling a very familiar emotion that you KNOW is a coping mechanism based in fear, let yourself honestly feel what you are feeling, with no judgment. Then ask yourself, “OK, what should I do now?” And have the bravery to follow through. We can have an entire life of misery because we are unwilling or afraid to have a few confrontations…confrontations that we really need to have, first with ourselves, and then perhaps with someone else. It is like never pulling out a splinter because it will hurt, and instead letting it become an infection that slowly weakens you.

Or like taking a photograph. You take one photo after another. There is a sense of just opening to the next moment. As long as you keep looking at one picture, you are missing what is going on NOW and you are stuck. Are you stuck in your story? Do you keep replaying it? Let go and feel what this moment is, then let go and feel…?…This is what “disowning” means. The photos are there and taken, but there is no one owning them. There are just these moments of warmth in which we communicate with feelings and no longer identify with what we consider our poor, miserable, separate selves.??Our mind is the source of both happiness and suffering. Emotions are temporary states of mind. Don’t let them permanently destroy you. Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them. An emotion is an experience you are having, it is not who you are. And most importantly, there is a sense of enormous simplicity. Just simplicity. We make life complicated when it is actually simple.

Feel what you are doing. From working with an addiction, to walking into a room, picking up a glass, sitting down, listening to someone. Instead of chasing after or avoiding so many different things, begin to feel your life.

Don’t be attached to anything. Just be mindful of whatever there is to see and what you do.
This is the way to the truth. Be natural, don’t manipulate, don’t be afraid.

A most harmful feeling is that you are not a worthy person. You are worthy! Have confidence and radiate kindness because you are not afraid. And when you walk in that truth, you shine.

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for.
Heart Of Recovery web site – fcheartofrecovery.com