5-14-17 Quit fighting

Quit Fighting

One thing I have recognized about myself when I was in my addiction was that I seemed to always be fighting against something.
Today I recognize that I am still fighting against things, though on a lesser scale.
To fight against, or grasp onto, any thought or feeling will only ultimately feed it.
To deny a thought or feeling will also effectively feed it, permit it to continue and grow, even if hidden.

We fight against a feeling when we believe it to be BAD. And we indulge, grasp at a feeling or action when we feel it makes us happy, or at least not unhappy. We may believe that we need to judge and weigh things so that we will be able to choose what is good and what is bad. We are generally judging things from a perspective of what I want and don’t want, this feeds the ego, continues and strengthens our sense of a separate self, and dis-connects us from our world and others.

How often do you feel that you have been inconvenienced, because of what someone else has done and things are not exactly how you want them to be.
Personally I feel this quite often, it is almost an automatic response.

An addiction can be devastating, as many of us have experienced. But we can and often do continue to indulge in other addictions that are not as obviously debilitating, but do continue to block our hearts, and narrow our experience. We can indulge in our “minor” addictions to the point of distraction and pain, so that we are constantly fighting. Busy Doing, not Being. Our “doing” feeds our sense of distraction.

When we put a little salt on our food it enhanced the flavor, so we put a little more on and a little more on until the food is ruined.

We are not Bad, though we may do something that is not conductive to a healthy lifestyle. We may see that we are avoiding having a deeper connection, not practicing, as we know is healthy for us, and are being selfish and unhappy, but we can’t seem to stop.

First we need to know we are engaging in an unhealthy manner. Awareness.
Second we need to not feel that we are BAD for doing this, IT HAPPENS, lets not make it worse by indulging in self pity. Be OK with being where you are.
Third we need to open up to what we are uncomfortable with, we need to relate with our pain, our being stuck. To not rationalize, justify, or be swept away by our habitual momentum. But to sit with, relate to and make friends with what seems to be our enemy. This is not a bad part of you, it is only a part of you, (in computer terms) that is taking up too much memory.

If you are feeling in conflict with a part of your life, ACCEPT it, look at it, make friends with it. Become very comfortable that you are human and fallible. Do you think you need to be perfect? OH what a burden. It’s a great way to justify not taking steps in a healthy direction.

Do you like sugar pops, OK have a bowl now and them, and don’t make a big thing of it.
Do you still get a bit pissed at the dumb-ass driver on the way home?
OK, know you are doing it, and lighten up on yourself, laugh at yourself a bit, and realize you may not be the ultimate considerate driver at all times either. Make the journey, whatever it may be, a peaceful one. You do have that choice.

We do have a choice of how we relate to our emotions. We do not have to fight and feed them. And to know that the emotion is not who we are, it is a transitory experience, that has many strings attached to people, judgments and fears. You can choose to return to a fuller, more open awareness of life, which can include the emotion but is not dominated by or controlled by the emotion.

During the day you can be aware when something is renting space in your mind, keeping you from being present for your life. You can take a few moments and breathe deeply into the emotion a few times. Expand and open your mind, letting the emotion, good or bad, exist in a greater awareness.
That’s it; you don’t have to fix anything. Just an awareness and an acceptance.

You also don’t fight feeling good about yourself, you promote this. You respect yourself because you are moving in the right direction, because there less battle going on.

To not fight who you are, are does not mean giving yourself free rein to do anything, even harmful things. To not fight means you are able to see yourself, your motivations and your rationales, because your mind is clear from conflict. You can act in a better manner, you are motivated to do so. The return is not the emotional highs or lows, or the ability to hide with a substance or behavior we used to pursue, but a deeper sense of rightness and respect for yourself and for others.

You are joining heaven and earth.

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for.
Heart Of Recovery web site – fcheartofrecovery.com