3-12-17 Forgiveness


Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, more positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you or yourself.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act.
Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.

Why is it so easy to hold a grudge?
When you’re hurt by someone you love and trust, you might become angry, sad or confused.
If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and
hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. You are then coming from, acting from, a place of resentment, fear and anger, and you cannot help hurting others and yourself. You bring anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience.
Feeling resentful is a rich and heavy feeling. We can be addicted to needing drama and negativity in our lives which will ensure continued suffering. We know we do NOT want to live our lives this way.

How do I reach a state of forgiveness?
Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and
situation have had in your life.
As you let go of grudges, you’ll no longer define your life by how you’ve been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding. Mayo Clinic

Importantly, self-forgiveness need not be all-or-nothing. It’s a slow process that may never result in a full release of negative feelings or an exclusively rosy view of oneself. Rather than being a form of self-indulgence, healthy self-forgiveness might be better seen as an act of humility, an honest acknowledgment of our capacity for causing harm as well as our potential for doing good, that we all possess. We can then choose to work on doing good, on seeing the light and letting go of the darkness. We know we now have a choice.

Positive regret is looking at a resentment, realizing it was not a good thing to have done, but that it is done and over. What we can learn from a past regret can inspire us to not repeat that action and to move forward without that weight on us, so we can begin to shine.

If you try to reach inside of your heart you can find forgiveness, or at least the start,
And from that place where you can forgive, is where Hope, and Love, also thrive and live.
And with each step that you try to take and with that chance that your heart might break,
comes so much happiness, and so much strength which alone can carry you a fantastic length.
For hate and anger will not get you there. Barry S. Maltese

“Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.” ~Jean Paul Sartre

Regret was rated more favorably than unfavorably, in a poll from Northwestern University, primarily because of its informational value in motivating corrective action. Interestingly, regret was rated highest of a list of negative emotions in fulfilling five functions: (1) making sense of the world, (2) avoiding future negative behaviors, (3) gaining insight, (4) achieving social harmony, and (5) improving ability to approach desired opportunities.

Regret can have damaging effects on mind and body when it turns into fruitless rumination and self-blame that keeps people from re-engaging with life. This pattern of repetitive, negative, self-focused ruminative thinking is characteristic of depression and may be a cause of mental health problems as well.

If you get stuck blaming yourself and regretting past actions, this could turn into depression and damage your self-esteem. Find a way to forgive yourself and let it go. You could think about what you would say to a loved one in the same situation to make them feel better. Most people have an easier time forgiving others than themselves.

How do you let go of something?
You do not try to rid yourself of it, you accept it.
There is a Buddhist saying – “Drive all blames into one” – yourself, take responsibility. Do what you can to make amends and move on.
Then – Drop all blame. An amazing openness and connection is then possible.

I have a regret from the past crop up occasionally, something I did or that was done to me. I recognize that I have dealt with it the best I can, and will not permit it to ill affect me anymore.
It has occurred, it is something that has happened (past tense), I have transcended it and am a different person NOW.

You as much as anyone in the universe deserve your unconditional love and respect.

To forgive is to be compassionate. We need to recognize that all people are trying to be happy, sometimes in rather unskilled ways that can injure others, as we have probably done.
We need to feel compassion and forgiveness for ourselves and others, to know the suffering, to contemplate and feel it until it is unbearable, so that it shatters us a bit. To be able to touch into a higher level of awareness and openness that is raw and all encompassing.

How do you fill your bucket? One drop at a time.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
“The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for.”
Heart Of Recovery web site – fcheartofrecovery.com